Tristan Vol 2 (Reformatted/Reenvisioned)

By Asa Montreaux, pen name Andrew James  

Then provincials were around. By that time, hockey had taken over our lives pretty well. It was a big deal. Though I didn’t like not having time for other things. You need other things in your life. If it had been any longer than a month or so when I was instructed to think about hockey all the time, I wouldn’t have been okay with it. Maybe I’m exaggerating. The first series we played, we won pretty handily. Because we were the top-placed team we only had one round to win before Provincials. The games were played at the Winter Club, and it was very loud and busy, friends and family wanted to come to the games, girls from school were there to watch. It was fun. We were waiting to find out who the other team would be. The other semifinals series went to three games and to overtime in the final game. The Vancouver Canadians won in the second overtime, and they were on the other blue line during opening ceremony. They did a good job with the anthem. The officials were better too, all of them from at least the Jr. A ranks. The first period was really choppy. There was some really big hits, a few players on our team that had injuries that kept playing. They had some good forwards, but they were a very defensive team, and they played the trap the whole series. Especially the first game, and in the first period and a half, we were having trouble gaining entry over their blue-line. With about five minutes left, Spelling just started skating it in, and that worked a couple times. At the start of the second period we had a power-play and he had made another good play and we were up by one. They had lots of shots, but no good scoring chances. Even strength we were outplaying them, but their goalie was very solid. By the second intermission Iain was very agitated. He was screaming things, saying remember to do this, you should have gotten that puck out, although he wasn’t totally disparaging, and by the end of his talk he was trying to be encouraging. Let’s win those, hold onto the lead, you guys have worked so hard, keep pushing. We pressed for another goal, though the puck wasn’t going in easy. By five minutes left, it was still 1-0. They were trying to keep the puck in our zone. They went to six attackers with three minutes left. It was nerve-wrecking, them shooting the puck over and over, the goalie made a few really nice saves, and the clock ran out and it was a huge relief for everyone from our side of the tracks. We had another game the very next day. There was food and drinks, and no one stayed too long so we could go home and sleep early. The next day, I woke up feeling like all of me was in pain, very tired, and I drank lots of fluids and ate a big breakfast to try and replenish myself. We definitely didn’t want to go to a third game, we wanted this to be the last game. It was a pretty good feeling, we definitely had the momentum for the second half of the game, and we felt we should be able to keep it for the start of this game. Even our warm-up was really strong. We just looked in sync, and when the game started, they didn’t look like they were in the same sport. They didn’t have any shots, and we were up three nothing for the second period. They had there season on the line, and you could see it in the way they were playing. They scored with twelve minutes left in the period, and then they had some hope again. We didn’t want them to come back, but there were a few questionable calls, and we had to kill three penalties pretty much one after the other. They didn’t score again till the start of the third. They were really close for a couple minutes, then we got another. Four minutes later we scored again. It was reminiscent of yesterday, though the stakes were higher, and so was the deficit they had to erase. Then we scored an empty netter and the game was finished. Our team all left the bench, and we took our helmets and gloves off, and celebrated. There were pictures, trophies, medals. It felt really good to win, it was something I was hoping for before I left Texas, and it was a big relief, given all the work we’d done. After the game, by the time I got home it was already almost midnight, and I couldn’t wait to go to bed. I slept a dreamless sleep, and given that we won in two games, I had sunday to screw around and act my age. By now, Agnes and I didn’t talk very often. We talked less saying that everything was fine and there wasn’t anything to worry about. Right away I told her that we should try being friends, but she didn’t react well, and it didn’t sound right. We hadn’t been discontented together for it to be overt. Anything that I felt or that she might have felt stayed inside, even though she probably sensed something amiss. As it was we weren’t really speaking, although I think if she were here then we would be together. I wasn’t sure about if we were in Texas. I’m not sure if I belonged there anymore. Just Texas, it was so different from B.C. Things went along anyways, I spent most of my time with the guys or with a few friends from school. Dad was really busy with work, and I didn’t hear from the step-mom very often. Spring was coming gradually. The Cherry Blossoms remade the city. People moved about with more tranquility, and things felt pretty good. There was more to do now that the weather was better. My golf game was almost in mid-summer form already. But we were far from in summer-mode, we had two weeks to prepare for the regionals and we were practising every day. To try and bring the pace up, the Coaches had college and dub players coming out to skate with us. I think it helped, it was cool to play with a few really successful guys anyways. We were hosting, and our success was a really good thing. They put a ton of money into the club. They finally (thank god) updated the dressing rooms, and they put in new bleachers, boards, more concessions. It was a very good thing for the city, and for all of us. The Coaches were doing interviews, and they would be broadcasting the game with play-by-play, and whoever won this series would likely win nationals. Things were going to be a bit different this time. We were staying in a hotel, even though we were the home team, the coaches going to watch us themselves this time. We were having pre-game skates, as if we were an NHL team, and every meal was a team meal. It was fun, a little excessive, very cool, and it meant that we really should win. They were keeping the rink even colder now in these later months, and I could barely tie my skates in the morning. It was lovely outside, although we were going on with upmost seriousness inside. We did some flow drills to get our blood flowing, and to get in sync with each other. We worked on break outs and special teams, and did a few odd man rush drills to help us finish that night. We had the first of the many talks we would have with the Coaches after practice, and going back to the dressing room, we didn’t have much time before we were back on the bus to the hotel for what came next on our schedule. In our down time before the game, to nap or to focus or whatever, I felt like I had been preparing all day, and so I was like always before our games I was conserving my energy, and also I was trying not to over think anything. There wouldn’t be time on the ice for any second guessing. I always showered before games, even if I showered in the morning and I put my suit on with my best shirt of the three I’d put in my suitcase and favourite tie and all three of my sticks and was calling to Keane to hurry up and then we putting our equipment on the bus, and I had my headphones, looking out the window, at a city that was becoming very familiar, and it was comforting to watch it in its unmoving constancy. When the game finally was underway, the only thing I felt was nervousness, and I was trying very hard to think about something else. I had to get rid of the adrenaline, or I wouldn’t be able to use my hands at all. I guess it helped me skate like I was out of a canon, and it took until halfway through the period before my hands didn’t feel tingly. It was very loud, luckily the music during play stoppages was much better. This time, there was people lined up all around the rink. We weren’t playing very well. We were skating hard because we always did, but we weren’t syncing, and they were being really really physically. Normally you’d have a few seconds with the puck, but they were on us really fast, so that most times you only had it for a split second. They scored first, and it was a sinking feeling that swept through the bench, just as their overzealous celebration reverberated around the rink. This looked severe for our team. Until the end of the period, it was as if we were dragging our feet. We went back to our dressing room feeling defeated. It was quite for ages it felt. We were in Grandview’s dressing room, being indulged in light of this prestigious event; the window of the coaches office which hung above were dark, though I could tell they were up there. Eventually, Iain came out of the office, his staff beside him like a retinue, and I don’t think I heard a word of what he said then. In the second period, we found our legs, we started to get some chances, and they were chasing us. At the end of it all we were the better team, we just had to keep that in mind. Pretty soon they ran into penalty trouble, and they had a pair of two minute penalties one after the other. And halfway through the second one, they got called for a trip and it was a two-man advantage. Laurence set it up. He walked the blue line, and then saucer passed the puck to Spelling on the half-wall, who rapidly passed it through a seam to Aaron back door, and he one-timed it top-shelf. The score was even, and our chances looked good again — if they had scored, then it wouldn’t have been likely for us to get out those two goals back, because the game was very tight. We kept pushing through the period. It was getting extremely physical, with open-ice collisions, and at one point Warren going down in the corner, pummeled by a 6 foot four defenceman, who dislocated Warren’s shoulder and took him out for the rest of the series and playoffs. It sucked to see that happen. He made it off the ice on his own, but he was screaming in pain, and he wasn’t coming back out from the dressing room tonight, he was going to the hospital. Then we went back on our tails a little; none of us wanted that to happen to them. At the start of the third period we were ready to put it all on the line again and Spelling scored on the first shift of the period. Then we were really flying out there. I was playing well and I had three shots already. After every shift I was winded, and I wasn’t sure if I should gasp so hard, or if I should try and be macho and try and withhold all signs of fatigue, because I didn’t want the coaches to think I was overtired and to lessen my ice time, but I also wanted them to know I was leaving everything on the ice evert shift. They weren’t getting any breaks, and at 11:10, they got a penalty, and we got zone entry and set-up within the first fifteen seconds. We had three scoring chances before Keane put one right upstairs glove side. As the period winded down we could hear their coaches bellowing commands and hear insults at their kids and it was coming close to the end of the game and they could hardly get out of their zone. The clock was winding down and I scored an empty netter and then the buzzer went, and it was a huge relief to get the first one, and to get undressed and get the hell out of their and go home for the night. We had another player injured who couldn’t play tonight so we were down to ten forwards. I could feel the fatigue today, and I had never felt simultaneously compelled to work so hard and yet still conserve something, whether that was because I was giving it all, because the game was going to be only one or two goals, and it wouldn’t stop being a battle until the final whistle. Coach Iain was doing nervous spins behind us, not concealing his anxiety as he walked back and forth across the bench. He was yelling so much, and with such urgency, his voice was cranky and wavering. It was still 0-0 after two periods. There had been a few collapses on both sides, with breakaways, two on one’s, posts. And there had been some tremendous saves. At the same time there had been bad rebounds, and lucky breaks for the Goalies. In the third, Keane scored on a rush, a wrister shot over the pads far-side. Then we were rolling. We had lots of chances, and I got one right in front of the net, and faked forehand-backhand and just put it over the goalie’s glove. We were up 2-0. We were really having to fight them off now. With five minutes left, Keane scored again, and they couldn’t get another one before the end of the period, and we won regionals. I felt ecstatic and it was a tremendous group moment and we were really the best team in Western Canada and we were going to Nationals and we would probably win. Afterwards, we hung around the rink celebrating, the parents drinking in the bar, looking at our medals, wearing them, passing our very nice trophy around. The coaches were gone by this point. I felt very good about everything. We had made it this far, and I was proud of the team, and I was proud of my coming here, and I felt like I’d made a little way towards making my way in the world. Dad and I talked all about the game and what was going to happen now and it felt like we’d stolen a whole new burst of life for our sails and things were going to happen. Spelling was going to be a household name, the Giants would be famous, and even I would have my star shoved upwards in the skies. Back at school everyone was our friend, which was good as everyone was getting along well and we were all cheerful and they would all be watching when we went across the country to Moncton in three weeks time. When people asked me what I was going to do next year, I honestly couldn’t tell them. There was something about the utter absorption of this experience that made it feel like I was already moving on to something much bigger, though I’m not so sure just what that was. School went by in steady flashes, and it was peculiar to be going to practice everyday, the sun bright in the sky. I was going around the city in flip-flops, and ideally I’d be in the gym to gain more weight, but I guess my body would continue to be worn down for a little longer. We watched a lot of video. We did lots of team things, and the coaches weren’t fulfilling their obligation to develop us now — everything was systems, strategy, and it wasn’t fun. I always found myself feeling empty after practice, and I would let my mind wander and I came to many dark conclusions about a lot of things regarding the sport. More fun practices wouldn’t have created such thoughts. One thing about this year, is that it was as intense as junior, and it was supposed to mimic the schedule and intensity of the pro’s. It took away all the fun, so that I would hardly play for fun anymore I felt so tired of the game. I thought, with the money of an NHL player, life would be more fun. But the game wouldn’t be anymore fun. It was three weeks of practice every weekday, and when I would get home completely exhausted, and I slept an extra hour every night. It was on a weekend that we left, returning to the airport, hoping to avoid the same kind of result we encountered in Calgary. It was a long flight, and I couldn’t sleep. I had accompanied myself with a good movie selection and that was balming. Iain had that same serious look on his face, and I always felt like he was watching. It made me feel nervous and uncomfortable, and I had developed the habit of speaking very very quietly. Our hotel was not as glamorous, but we visited the rink that night, and every game would be played there, unlike the mac’s, where only one game was in front of a large crowd. However putrid practice had become, I could always take pleasure in a new rink. That night we hung around the hotel watching late season games. The Canucks looked like they had a good chance this year. It was strange comparing our team to them because I thought we must on the whole be more skilled, probably quicker, and yet they are so big and strong and fast, and even if they aren’t allowed to be too flashy, they are very smooth. Our first game, there was a preternatural quality to being in the room, everyone dressed and ready early, the only sound chattering in the stands. Just to have come here, was a great accomplishment. And we knew that tournaments are fickle. There are only so many games to decide a National champion. At this point we had actually gained much experience, and we weren’t as nervous as we were at the mac’s or Regionals, even though the level was higher. The game looked very beautiful, the ice was big, and both teams were fluid. It was competitive and this was definitely the best team we had played so far. Halifax scored first, though it wasn’t a huge momentum shift. In regular season games, we could feel like we were in control of the game, and that was how we won. But tonight it didn’t feel like we could guarantee anything, it would come down to chances, more numbers than a big imbalance in skill between teams. The fans were more into it this way, especially because most of them were cheering for the local team. They had won the round robin in the East, and Moncton was here as the hosts. There was lots of open space, and lots of chances for us, but they seemed to be getting the same amount of chances. Half way through the game it was already three-three, and the Coaches were trying to get us to reel it in and slow the game down, but it was difficult. Iain didn’t handle very well not feeling for sure that we would win. I wondered why he was doing this — I think he contributed to our success, but we could have been successful with a number of different, and much calmer coaches. It was something to be said that we were here with him as Coach though. We were down a goal at the end of the game, which wasn’t a situation we were familiar with. With a minute left, we had a timeout and Iain was screaming orders. We had a face-off in their zone, and we did need to tie if we wanted to win the round robin. In the very last seconds there was a scramble around the net and we did get a goal. There was a five minute overtime that followed. Hopefully all of our conditioning work would pay off. It didn’t look like any one would score but again right at the end of the period Spelling scored and we had beaten what was probably our toughest competition in the tournament. We won the next two games and tied the last game of the round, and we had a buy for the first game of the elimination round, and then we would go up against Halifax again. We went about exploring the city on our day off, the breeze formidable, the city quiet. The people here are very different, they speak differently, the waitresses tending to us were paler, and they spoke slower, with less words, though not with less eloquence. It’s always frustrating watching my weight drop during a season, no matter how much I eat. Spelling was very quiet, though he displayed lots of confidence. Laurence was always talking, and he did know a lot about the other teams, bad mouthing this player and that. We walked back to the hotel and I imagined I was in Halifax, hearing the water underneath the pier, the winds tempering the summer weather. We were certainly close enough. Maybe I would go there before heading back West. The game against Halifax we all were ready for. Laurence scored in the first period. They were very aggressive, going for open ice hits. It was tough for Spelling because they were trying to intimidate him, almost to injure him. They had a whole set of five players that went on the ice every time he did. We were still short players, with ten forwards. We chose not to bring any affiliates. It meant a lot of ice time for everyone. We were definitely tired by this game, though it seems we were always playing on steam no matter the time of year. I was driven to play big in the biggest game, swerving through all the hockey rhetoric, that is one that I believed, that good players came up big in big games. The shots were pretty close, and even though we were up one goal, I remember feeling in the second intermission that it was like we weren’t up at all, as the play seemed so even that it seemed inevitable they would score. Half way through the second they had scored, and then Spelling scored. He had a couple give aways in the period as well though. Sean was playing well, but he was on the ice for the first goal, and the second one. They were up 2 to 1 and then Keane got a penalty. They had the power play for four minutes, and they didn’t score before the intermission, but they still had two minutes left in the start of the third period.  They got set up in our zone. A forward took a shot from the tops of the circles, and there was a scramble. There was two rebounds and then someone nudged the puck in. We were down a goal in the third period. However two shifts later, Keane carried the puck in the zone, and had possession in the corner. I got in front of the net, and he got the puck and I scored just over the goalie’s glove. We had tied it up. The game went to another level, and our team was giving everything we had. There goalie was playing really solid, and there top defencemen were really on their game, not to mention they were getting away with hacks and slashes all over the ice. Down to the final two minutes, there was an errant puck that went over the glass, and a face-off outside of our zone. We really wanted to get into their zone. There was still time to win before overtime. The face-off was a draw and it went to the boards. The winger fought for the puck, and it ended up going back towards their end, though one of their defence men picked it up and dumped it in our zone. It went to the far side, and they had a forward waiting to give chase. There was a point shot, and huge deflection. Ennis couldn’t see the shot. They were celebrating. He was looking behind himself. Now we had just over a minute. The building was roaring and there were loud shouts from both benches, we pulled our goalie, the clock ticked way too fast. There was a shot but it was from a bad angle. All our players went for a rebound but there wasn’t one. Players were digging at the goalie’s glove, there was shoving, there were punches. There was ten seconds left. Spelling took a shot off the draw. The puck went to the corner. We tried to get it back to the front of the net, but the clock wound down. There was a handshake and player of the game and then we went back to the dressing room. I was left with the surreal, crushing feeling that it was over. I didn’t undress right away. I was thinking quickly about what would happen next year. This meant so many things. Had we achieved what was expected of us, or should we have gone two steps farther? And what was the experience really like? Now I could look back properly. How did this happen? Did I want to keep playing, and was it in my best interest, in my loved ones interests? Well, that’s a little too Hallmark. But I could feel myself switching modes. I didn’t want to get down. I was going to catch a different flight to Halifax for a couple days, and then I’d be right back at school. There were a few reliefs. there would be no one yelling at me for the rest of the summer. And I could work out at a slightly less psychotic pace now. Everyone looked upset. We were very quiet. We got on the bus eventually and it was an early night, and our flight was tomorrow. I was going on a different flight.  

*

 In Halifax I had many things to occupy my thoughts, and would play the game in my head again, and again. It was limited, what you could do out there. It was only pucks and sticks and never mind the coaches’ restrictions. I am thoroughly a selfish hockey player, despite all my attempts to redefine myself as a playmaker — to pass the puck and not carry it, to pass when I should shoot. Our attempts to redefine ourselves aren’t limited by our imaginations, only by other people's normativity. I left my hotel and went walking along the pier. I peered out into the ocean, watching the whitecaps in the distance, letting the wind slowly drain my face of moisture. It was so comfortable being in the open, breathing the air without the slight scent of refrigeration. It was nice not to be standing on a bench with hockey players, it was not nice to have to regiment my days, it was nice to eat with variety. I felt oddly free, started walking again, and I could see more and more boats on the water. The wind nipped my face, as I faced it bursts directly. My thought circled back to Allister, and how he was. I sometimes felt like his father. We’re closer than he is with Dad, because Dad was always working, and he always wanted to be with me, play with me. I was obliged to take care of him. Now — that obligation didn’t exist. He was old enough now to take care of himself. But inside me was still a feeling of nagging to be something of his father. It would be better just to be his friend — though that might be even more work for me. It isn’t good for young men to be stuck alone with mothers. They need more than this. I guess — why didn’t we bring him with us to begin with. Because — this is home now; in a deeper way it is home, and this is were our family is. I had all but decided, he was coming to Vancouver, and I’d make sure he is safe and developing. Though, it wasn’t this way to begin with, and I hadn’t the authority in my personal life before, to make that kind of call, even if I could move us to Vancouver. Later that day, I visited my aunt that lives there. She made me a nice meal, and told me about how my cousins were doing. They were all doing pretty well, and luckily, so was I. She said she was sorry about what happened, and I told her it was okay, that looking at things later in time, we sort of saw something was happening. I was horribly dismayed and all, but there was something particularly lovely about the tea she made me. She wished me all the best, called me a cab to the hotel. She gave me a little kiss on the cheek, and held the door open against the cold, and watched until I closed the door, and the cab driver starting the car moving. I slept well, and the next morning, I meandered through Dalhousie, a school I could see myself going to. University campuses were often comforting, and they stimulated good thoughts. I guess they could be intimidating if it was your first day and there was tons of people, but during the holidays, it was like a meeting with the other side of life, the only other people about tourists in their twilight years, chattering in British tongues. It wasn’t a long stay. A couple of days of contemplation, and relaxation, and then I went back home. Things were warming quickly, the sun glowed brightly, and I spent a lot of time outdoors. It was peculiar to me not to have a schedule to adhere to. I was very far ahead with school though I continually reviewed and reviewed things. With two spare blocks I didn’t have to be at school very often and I’m so glad for meeting Maisie because we were able to share our company so much together... She was lying here with me under the covers while third block was on. Our bodies so warm together cancelled the heat outside somehow. I loved nothing more than to have her hand perusing my body. That we had lost heightened our relationship, and at least all the hardness of my body could be hers. That we could be together. I loved her so much. My cell phone rang. For once it was Allister. Hi Al how are you doing? I’m fine. Okay I’m glad why are you calling? Because Paige just died. What happened? She just stopped eating. For how long? For a while. Where is she? In the reddish room. Her bedroom? Yes. When did this happen? I don’t know. I hadn’t seen her for a few days so I went into check just now. Because she is always in her room. Yea. Okay. Call 911 and tell them what you told me. Here’s what’s happening. Dad is in Japan. I’m coming home on the next flight. Hang tight, make yourself a sandwich. You haven’t been eating very much either have you? Not really. Okay. I’m going to call Air Canada now. See you soon. Love you. Bye Tristan. Did you hear this? I could hear what you were saying. I sighed heavily. I think she killed herself. Sounds like it. Was she unhappy? She used to be. By now she just didn’t feel anything. That’s why she was so weird. We were quiet and thought about her. Your Dad was attracted to her. Plastic surgery. I’m going to come with you. Don’t. Trust me, don’t do this by yourself. I thought about it. Well then call Air Canada. I’m going to shower. You’re driving. Allister was inside. I went in immediately, and I kneeled down and I looked him in the eyes. How are you feeling? He nodded. How are you feeling? Alright? Yes. What did it look like? Was there blood? Yes. What have you been doing? Nothing. Did you say anything to these men? Nothing. I surveyed him for a sec, and then I got up, breathing deeply. Allister, this is Maisie. He looked at her. Hi Allister. I’m sorry this happened. You’re going to be okay. He nodded okay and then he burst out crying. Did I do something wrong? Maisie said. No I think this is a good thing. I hugged him tight and I prayed for this to all end quickly. They want to talk to us. He’s coming with us. I’m going to call a Taxi. Let’s make this quick. I went upstairs to look at what happened. She had slit her face and her arms, and there were pools of blood on the bed. She was propped up with three or four pillows. At least know I knew what Allister had seen. They want to speak with us. One second. I told the officers everything I could. They had been in touch with my Dad and so had I. He thought this was the best thing to do as well. He was going to meet us in Vancouver. I asked what they had been through with Allister. They said they asked him only a few questions, and he spoke with a counsellor more so. They wouldn’t need anything more from him. The taxi arrived and I rode in the front, and Allister sat in back with Maisie. We stayed in a Hilton near the airport and we had a wakeup call for four. Teagan drove out after I called him. He had been keeping an eye on Allister and Paige for me. He said he was worried the last few days, and thought about going over there, but because Allister wasn’t in school it wasn’t surprising that he hadn’t left the house. He liked Maisie. We thought of going to dinner but no one had the appetite. We watched a movie. Why would she do that to Allister? He asked. I don’t think she did it to him. It was hard to tell at first, but even Allister saw this coming. We tried to tell Dad. He’ll listen now. There is no more to say. No, nothing. I think we are going to need more of his things. I’ll drive you. I think you should stay with Allister. He likes Maisie. He does. But he just met her. And you’re a part of us since he was an infant. I drove to get more of his things, things that would comfort him, with Maisie. At this time, it should only take forty-five minutes there and less coming back. The beltway had only been finished while I was gone. It was incredibly quick, and the lanes were very wide, it felt oddly safe. She was quiet. How do you like where I’m from? I like it a lot. It’s nicer than I imagined. Isn’t it? We were halfway there now. Of course. I knew all the best streets. It is a different picture if you go a different way. I’m certain there are lots of nice streets. That there is. In the airport we sat there with coffees, waiting for the flight, and we didn’t talk about it. She didn’t have any questions to ask about the step-mom that I hadn’t told her on other occasions. She shared my concern for Allister and we were a lot stronger together. She held my hand as we boarded the plane, and while we flew way up there. I was use to flying and yet it is always scary to be so completely in the hands of someone else. I felt liberated all the same from local place, and felt like I could go anywhere. Maisie could come. The flight was very bumpy until we got past Colorado and then it was smooth. We thought he would need more of his things that would remind him of him of home– books, cd’s, some of his nicer clothes. Walking around the house, I could feel what he’d been up to, where his presence had been, was. Maisie was gathering things in his room. Is there anything in your room that you might need? Now that you say so, there are some summer clothes I could use. I looked in my room for some more summer clothes. She was done getting things for Allister and she stopped in the door way and I came up to there quickly. This was her first time in my room. We were undressed before finally we stopped. We can’t do this here. Not after what happened across the hall. Allister was asleep, and so was Teagan on the couch. I woke him up. It was too late for him to drive home. Maisie and I got another room and he slept in Allister’s room. I think we can do this here. We can. Arriving back in Canada, everything was completed. I had but one more exam to write in the midst of this rueful business, Maisie had one more as well. I needed her support just at that very moment, because however strong and brave I felt I was falling apart all the same. We did awesome and afterwards the only decision was to get out of there. Dad was very shaken up, hurt, mortified, and yet superlatively supportive of Allister. He needed Dad. The two of them together, there was an extra spark of life that had been missing visibly in both their vitalities. Maisie and I went to our graduation. —It was underwhelming. We left early. We sat on Burnaby mountain afterwards. It wasn’t the best view of the city. Allister was going to go to school here. We talked about where he should go. He wasn’t going to public school. He only had grades seven and eight left and then we were going to send him East. I think that fourteen is too old to be living at home. We would make sure he was ready, visit him often, and he’s going to be an inveterate little traveler. Our extended family was shaken up. Though presently no one had taken to referring to Dad as Ted Hughes. And I don’t think they will. Right then, I was so sick of hockey the whole city didn’t move me. The things that had happened, we were getting out of there. We had the next two months in Europe together. We were staying in Moscow, only for a couple days, to see what it’s like, and then we’re going straight to Paris, and then London. These cities were for us our highest aspirations. They were the most beautiful; they were the whole Western tradition, where we had come from, what was in our blood. Our hotel was along the Seine. The days were dismal, and the streets were overfilled with life. We longed for the night, and we would walk for hours under its great city lights. We climbed the Eiffel tower, ate at Cafe de’fleurs, and spent three days in the Louvre. We rode under the channel to London. We immersed ourselves in the theatres. We loved it so much that Maisie applied for acting there. I just didn’t know what to do next. I was working on my writing; she was reading them, hating a lot of them, the criticism crucial to me evolving my style. I was considering the University of London, but for right now I was just writing, going to Museums and book stores with Maisie, and going for expensive dinners with her and anyone we met along the way. Vancouver was home. We would come back eventually. I guess the question now, is how is Allister doing? Maisie said. We were in our flat in London. We’d been here for a month now. Dad is taking care of him. He needs to go back to work soon, though. We can’t leave Allister alone, so shortly after the suicide. He’ll have to come here. Are you sure? It would be a great time for him. I’m not so busy. I can keep an eye on him. We can hang out together. I think this will be good. I called Dad to tell him about our idea. First, he wanted to know how things were going. Our flat is nice. We spent most of our time at home, unless Maisie is going to school or when we’re going out. When we do we call cabs. There are mobs of people on the streets at all times of day. We play music to manage the sound pollution. We just hang with actors. Where would he stay? We’ll move the desk and he can sleep in there. When the summers almost over, we can send him home, and I think he’ll be feeling okay then. He’s really shaken up now. He spends a lot of time thinking about it. Well then I think this will get his mind off of it. Fly him here on Monday. Okay. I’ll be in touch when I’ve got everything ready. When Allister arrived, we met him there. He was very wide eyed with Maisie. He stayed close to me, and he was weary of the airport, and all its very boisterous activity. How are you feeling about everything, sweetie? asked Maisie. Good. I’m happy that we are in Vancouver now. It’s more fun. Really? There is a lot more to do. And it is so pretty. Well you get to live there from now on.  We took the shuttle into London, and took a cab from the station to our flat. It wasn’t far. We hated the tube. This is where you live? Yes. Cool. I like it. It was funny. I hadn’t heard him talk for a long time. What do you want to do now, I asked? I don’t know. I’m not very tired. What do you have to eat first, though. You can help yourself to whatever you want. Cool. Then I want to go shopping. With both of you. Shopping? Both of us? Yes. He had never really been shopping before, and I suppose he was in the right place to start. He would be quite stylish. He’ll be a phenomenon in Canada. He was quite taken with Oxford Street. He was our new little top man.  

*

 Paul was in Ontario for the World U-18’s. He probably wouldn’t play this year, but he would for sure next year. Laurence was in Kelowna training with his new teammates. Keane was still in Vancouver, training at the same gym. He was already six two, and about 185. The defeat having softened its grip on us, we all had very bright futures. Especially Paul. I never brought it up with him though, I didn’t want to add any pressure. In hockey academy, we just did the drills, and we had as much fun as we could. The most fun thing was our scrimmages. I use to dream about it in Houston. It very much so came true. We were going to dinner tonight. Allister was running around like a little man now. He was full of awareness, and he was full of wants and wishes, which he could suddenly articulate, and to which we were receptive. I think he recognized he was a little lucky. I started giving him responsibilities. He ordered for us. Allister asked Maisie: Do you like Acting school. Yes. I like it a lot, sweetie. What do you do when your there? We perform, and then we’re criticized. You suck up your feelings after the criticism, and perform again. Do you get better that way. Yes, that’s how you get better. It is like hockey practice, but no one gets black eyes. That’s a good thing, especially for an actress. Very true. Do you miss where you went to school in Vancouver? Not right now. I enjoyed it though. Wherever you go you will enjoy it too. Tristan said he hated it. Did I say that? Yes. I probably would have said that. To be fair, I enjoyed my performances more. I want to be a doctor. I’ll hold you to it. What kind of doctor? A surgeon. Can I specialize in heart surgery? I’m not sure. Tristan? I say yes. You’ve got it, the hands of a heart surgeon. How is your meal. It sucks. Really? It’s okay. This is London, not Rome. Though the restaurants are improving here. What are we going to do tonight? Whatever you want. I want to go the Imax again. Ah. Again? What, you like it to. Darn, your right…okay, let’s go again. But you have to be ready first. Go shower and stuff. I washed some of your clothes. I don’t care. I only wore those things once. In London after you wear something, you have to wash it before you can wear it again. Generally people do this anyways. Even if their only sweatpants, you have to wash everything. Well, thanks and stuff. Maisie want to see one right? What makes you ask all of a sudden, I thought you weren’t giving us a choice? Well, I’m not sure. Just, does she want to go? Yes, I want to go to this one, Allister. It looks pretty good, really. Cool. can I use your shower? Why? It seals in the heat. want to make a sauna. Whatever. Not too long though. The days slipped by. I took Allister out with the camera, and we went on the Museum rounds, walked the Thames, visited old parts of the city. We thought the old things were cool. Maisie and I stayed up late together. The nights went away slowly too. We always went to the book store across the street. It was full of things to be discovered. Sometimes the owner’s daughter was there. One day, he introduced her to us. She was bright and googly eyed. Allister wasn’t very shy. He wanted to be friends with her. He started going over there in the days, and the manager would let them run around in the back. Allister would put books away, and sometimes he stood very solemnly at the counter and answered people’s questions. Shakespeare? Yes. It is in the very back, the second shelf from the right. Thank you, young fellow. Do you like her Tristan? No. We just like to do stuff together. It’d be okay. No. It’s not like I don’t like her. She’s nice and stuff. I like that answer. I’m going to tell Maisie that later. Whatever I don’t care really. Maisie asked: How is Teagan doing? Good, but his dad is blind now. Why? The murderous will of the gods. I’m not sure, I didn’t want to discuss it too much. But he said that he can’t recognize anyone anymore, and he is trying to get around by listening, but it isn’t working. See better, Sr. Teagan, is what I have to say. Tegan should visit. He really should. We were even talking about it christmas time. I’m not so surprised. You’re in love with Europe. He’ll make it here eventually, i am quite sure. Maybe he is a little busy with his father blind and dying. Yes. We should take another trip. We haven’t been to Spain. I would love to visit Madrid. Let’s go when I’m on my break. And Allister? Let’s bring him.  

*

 After the second game with the Canadians, I went home with Spelling for a change. Dad had to catch a flight to Malyasia. We were at the new rink at UBC. They had parked in one of the parkades a little ways away. It is too bad you didn’t get an assist on that penalty shot, Paul said. It’s okay. My reputation as a puck hog was being shed. But I still wasn’t getting credit for the assists. I should have considered more that not everyone could score in the same way as me, even if they were given the puck in all the right areas. It’s okay. It was a wagon car. It was old though it was sort of vintage. It was a long drive back home. Spelling spent a lot of time with his mom. I guess we all did, because we all lived at home, though not me anymore I guess. She was very nice. I didn’t like that she smoked. But she was from a different generation. Their parents weren’t together. Spelling’s Dad had cancer when he was younger. They weren’t together after that. But his father was always at hockey academy watching. He didn’t work anymore. He had a very penetrating glare, there is no doubt about this. It always made me want to work a little harder, even if I was tired from all of the ice times. He was an obsessive sportsman. He followed basketball, baseball, football, in addition to hockey at all levels, even horse racing. He went to all the games and all our practices too. I guess it was family times. I really liked Paul, especially when we weren’t around all the hockey academy kids, when Paul acted like he was too cool for school. Paul controlled the stereo. There were many channels that he listened too, they didn’t have a cd player. She drove very slowly, then making it even later when we got home. It sort of was shocking driving from the UBC area back to burnaby. But anyways. You’ll have to be there early wednesday. … will have someone waiting for you. How long are you going for, I asked. I’m going to play six games. Glad to hear it. You’ll definitely be ready next year. Especially after gym this summer. Where’s your house, Tristan? Up ahead. The second right. Far end of the street. You live across from a school? I live across from a school. I shoot pucks at all the walls. Okay, we’ll see you in a couple weeks. Thanks for the ride. Safe travels Paul. I hung my gear up on my hockey tree. The basement smells like a dressing room. One room does anyway. Dad wasn’t there but he left some pasta for me. I curled up on the couch until Maisie came over for the next week.  

*

 We were having ice cream in the plaza mayor in Madrid. Allister, stop running around. Come sit. I have to do something first. No just come sit. Look your ice cream is melting already. Better eat up, Maisie said. It is not, replied Allister. The width of the plaza could fill you with grandeur quite easily and we were happy in this moment. Allister where are you going to school next year. West Point Grey. Really. How are you getting there? Lets move. I prefer Vancouver College, if it is only for one or two years. I just want to spend sixteen grand. I know. I want to as well. But let’s not, and then we can pretend like were still rational and sane people. We are definitely a little crazy. Where’s Dad. He is still in Malaysia. Are you going to play hockey again soon? No one asked me about hockey for some time. And Allister hadn’t asked about it in the whole past year. Yes. Where? I’m not sure. I think I need a new area code though. The sooner, the better, I would say. Yea. Or else people are going to talk about you too much and stuff. That is one way to put it, Allister. Let’s do something fun again. Allister, your getting a little too pushy. Relax, and sit down with us. Very well, Tristan. very well. In Madrid, so here we are. Don’t say that. Okay. Well, do you guys want to go listen to the music, or should we walk back now? Let’s go for a walk, Maisie said. Where would you play? I might go to the states again. My energy levels are a little spent right now though. Is that why we can’t have fun tonight? We can have fun. Let’s just hold up a small amount of respectability for our own sakes. Hey Allister, do you know any Spanish? Hola, coma estas? Estoy bien. Y tu? Bien. Thats all I know right now. though you’ve been practicing your french? yes. good. vamos porque la noche esta joven. yay!  

*

 So, you have never told me about Agnes. What? You haven’t talked about her yet. I thought it would be a little awkward. I don’t know. I thought she was the love of my life. But I always wondered if I was being ridiculous, because we were so young. That’s partly why I left, because already I’ve met so many more people that I’ve fallen in love with too. Other girls? You’re the only one I have those feelings for. But I have fallen in love with the people around me. I guess it didn’t work out and it’s kind of just over now. If you want to try again with her then you should. No, I don’t want to. You didn’t even go see her when we were there. Well, we were kind of busy with the whole the step-mother literally died thing. I want you to stay here with me, but maybe you should talk with her, just for a little. No, I don’t want to. I’ve gone back to see here once, and it was pretty much a disaster. Are you sure. I’m not going back there, no. Just thinking about it, my heart, my whole bloody torso aches. Seeing her would make.. it’s just best to let the pain diminish. Well just think about it. No, I don’t want to. Come on, let’s go find Allister in the kid’s shop. All this stuff is stupid. That’s because your thirteen now. No, it’s just stupid stuff. You are both a little argumentative, Maisie said. We are not, are we, little bro. We’re just very candid. He knows what that means, good for you little guy. Our train is sooner rather than later. We should go to our gate now, I said. It was a good trip. The very scorching sun replenished our souls. Though, the weather this summer in London hadn’t been so unbearable. The hustle and bustle, the clouds, they could dissipate from our immediate awareness as we climbed the stairs up to our apartment. On the train ride, we spent most of it in the restaurant portion of the train, sitting at the bar. Allister had two chocolate bars, and a juice. That is a lot of sugar. That’s why it tastes so good. Look at that guy. He is the only obese person I’ve seen since we’ve been here. They are everywhere in Texas. Keep your voice down. Fat, fatty, fat people. Allister. Two of the people that were killed in Philadelphia last week were really obese. There faces were all over the news. They were only innocent bystanders. Was that an act of terrorism? Yes Allister that’s what it was. Where almost there now. Only another three hours. Those beds are not very comfortable. And it is so warm in there. I can’t drink enough water. The countryside is only so satisfying from the windows of a train; Spain is dry and straw-like, sometimes the mountains can stagger into something interesting. The water sparkling around the bends of out-jutting coast in the south of France is something to be seen, the lakes of Switzerland captivating, but mostly, the countryside is only the countryside. Paddington station was something spectacular, however much anytime I was in a station, in a train, I couldn’t wait to get home. I tried not to look at the faces of people as I went by. Traveling so much, there had been so many we had come across. It was overwhelming. The bubble of locality was forever burst, and going home I was never able to feel the same about my friends and family, and on the plus side, I seemed to be able to connect to much, much larger groups of people. This isn’t to say that my best friend wasn’t still my best friend, or Maisie was not but Maisie; no, these things will never change. Hey Dad. His face looked a little funny in the Skype window. How is everything? Good. Good. We had the funeral last week. Only a small group of family. I’m home for the next couple months now. You’ll be ready for Allister in a little while. Yep. did he enjoy Madrid? Yep. He’ll probably be a photographer or something. I took him to all the galleries there, and here. He runs through them, but I think he’s fascinated by the paintings all the same. Well as long as he’s having fun and being good. Are you going to come back and visit before september. We’re thinking about it. Not sure yet. Well, we’d all like to see you. We might come back on the flight with Allister. After all, it is a long flight to send him on his own. Who knows who he might be sitting with. That’s true. Well I’d like you to do that if your up to it. I know Maisie’s parents are going to be in town too. Anyways. how was the food in Madrid. I loved it. Allister was having stomach trouble though. After that he just ate pizza. Oh. We’ll I’m going to do a few things here. I guess we’ll see you in a bit here. See you. Allister was sitting up, watching tv. Al, aren’t you tired. We haven’t slept properly in two days. Ya. Go to bed you rascal. Uggh. Okay. Allister went to his room. Maisie came in and we sat down together. I heard your parents we’ll be in Vancouver in a couple weeks. Actually, I wasn’t entirely sure as to whether they would be coming or whether they wouldn’t. She was changing subtly under the influence of London, and her instructors. She was speaking with clear enunciations, speaking lines now, like we were in a Shakespeare play. I just spoke with my father, it is confirmed, everyone has heard, that your parents are in fact, on their way into the area and they will be there when we send Allister home. Now, I’m suggesting that we accompany him, and this time you’ll see your parents, and hopefully you can meet some of my family. If you’d want to do so. All you talk about is Eva. I’d rather be ever so lost if I didn’t meet here soon. There are more than just one or two in the retinue. And they are all bat-shit crazy. I can tell from what your dad says. But it is Fridays, Saturdays, and all. Allister was snoring now. he never snores. The knucklehead was still awake watching tv before you got here. We are still awake now. But we’ve had several cups of coffee. Hey, do you know what? Hm? We should have a child. It would be the most beautiful child in the world. They would crown him a prince here. We’ll if we’re not going to make one in actuality, we should move nearer the purpose, because I can’t sleep. Me neither. It started raining outside. Heavily, as rare as this was, as usually it drizzled and drizzled and died on the rooftops. The night stretched into early morning, we would have to return, one last time, to set our feet once again, firmer yet, in the fields of our dreams. III. In Vancouver, the three of us stayed in our house on Napier, the house towering above the very anonymous streets. As a couple we were more popular in Vancouver, than in Burnaby, where people walked the streets with us, and had their eyes open for something that would excite them. Dad looked a little worn, but the new soberness in his appearance made everyone feel better. He had taken care of affairs, he could do many things under stress. He’d be looking after Allister. Maisie and I prepared to meet my relatives. We wouldn’t stay long. Which colour dress do you prefer? Wear the green one so we can match. I was hoping you’d choose this one. When she met Eva, I didn’t have any doubt they would get along. Eva is so beautiful and heartfelt about the things she says. Eva was wearing heels, and they were almost around the same height this way. She was short, and I only thought this made her more feminine. She was really interested in our life in London. Lots of people visit there. Not many people move there. Sweetie, I am so sorry about the game there. We were all watching. It was actually exciting but then we all felt heartbroken. I’m so happy you watched, but you have no idea how much I wish I could have done more. The pain is so unbearable I can’t think about hockey anymore. Well I am sure it hurts. hockey is important and everything. I am sort of surprised. Usually, your are like training everyday this time of year. I see what you mean by being really upset. Yea. There was actually like a lot a lot of people watching, and then there were people that were interested in the score and stuff. Do you know how many people it was? I did. I forget. We really like living in the U.K. right now. Its miles away, said Maisie. You’re in acting I keep hearing. Yes. Are you getting parts and stuff, because I know it can be really tough. Yes. Well I’m not surprised even if I sound it, my mother was overwhelmed with your looks. Thank you. I’ve been thinking about you, Eva. Every place I go, I think, it would be nice to share this with Eva. Where is Eva right now. Evaa, Evaa. I would like to come join you. I’m working full time right now. Maybe christmas time, when you’re on break from school. Don’t say I can come and then not be able to do it, you’re like getting my hopes for winter break up like through the roof. Eva, there isn’t one freckle of doubt I have that this will be our best christmas break ever. Wonderful. Alli, come over here, Maisie said. He sat on her knee. We think we’re going to have a kid, I said. You’re joking. Of course. But we might do it anyways. There is no other way to express your love better I guess. We’d be sort of ready. Allister is our play son. We’re good parents, Maisie said. I couldn’t help but laughing. Eva is my daughtersister, you know. You look similar. She’s the cutest. Come on lets go meet some of my aunts and uncles. I can’t believe you all made it that far, in the playoffs. good for you. Yea. We’re not seeing it that way really. I didn’t know you were such a good skater on the ice there. And some of those moves. Yea. We could have played better, our team. I guess individually, yea it was okay. She is very good looking. Is she your prize? No. I guess she could be, we did win provincials. I hope you are having a blast over there in Europe. You know it isn’t the same unless your young like you are. Where are the places you’ve been? We’ve been around the uk a little. we were in paris, we were in madrid, the south of france, we were in russia. the goal isn’t to go to as many places as possible. Not all at once, I guess. It sounds like so much fun. Do you know what you’re going to study? I think I’m going to study English. I’m thinking about other majors as well, though it’s tough to narrow down all the things I’m interested in now. Well you don’t need courses to teach you anything. Anything you learn will be in the books anyways. That is a little pessimistic, but you are sort of right, you have to learn on your own time in uni. uni. you’re already speaking in there idioms. its adorable. Excuse me, I’m just going to go over here for a bit. I really did like the snacks at family get-togethers. Maisie, I’m going to have a drink. You want one? Uh yes. We haven’t been drunk the whole time we’ve been home. I know. Its been like two days. We’re not alcoholics though. No, we aren’t Pour a little more than that, would you Tristan. Gladly. Eva, hey, Evie. Do you want a drink as well. Okay. As long as we all are. Yay. Let’s get drunk. together. I really wish no one had brought up that game. Now I was thinking about it the whole time I was trying to have fun being drunk. I had talked to Spelling several times about it, and he was super-bummed too. Probably more so, because while I was in a different country he was home, and he was on hockey 24/7. I think it was more important to the two of us, than it might have been to Laurence or Keane, they hadn’t worked as hard, for as long, as we had, all season, all year. Let’s go home. I know we weren’t planning on staying very long, but I do like Eva, and it might seem kind of rude. You look shaken up. That’s why I want to leave. another thirty minutes? Then we go? okay I went downstairs and lay on one of the beds for a moment. The noise of music, the voices too loud riding over the lyrics, my ears were ringing a little, and I felt the suppression of being a little blasted, everything less differentiated, I didn’t have to think quite so much about hockey. I remembered what little Jian had said. When I quit hockey, I started drinking with my buddies, got hammered, felt like shit, and then it was over. I wasn’t there right now. I felt like shit all the same I could stay here for a half an hour. I fell asleep. Maisie shook me lightly to wake me. Maisie, you can’t be having fun. stay here and sleep some with me. Gladly. However, its already 9 30. You’ve been sleeping for two hours. Blimey. Well your easy with all of them. Your relatives are awesome. I wouldn’t say that. Eva is awesome. Eva is awesome. I agree. Now I want to get the fuck out of here too though, between you and me.  

*

 Don’t you have an ice time with Spelling in like an hour. I don’t need to prepare. It’s the middle of summer, we’re just playing some shinny. The two of you out there there’s probably scouts from the Rangers. It’s not ideal. Everyone is always watching. The small rinks at BWC weren’t maintained over the summer. The ice on the big rink this time of year, was wide open for at least a few hours everyday. It was just me, him and a couple jr. a players for a couple hours. In our one-on-one’s he was beating me pretty often before the season. Now it was a little more even. He was still the best midget player in the world. One thing I needed to work on was my one-timer. It was pitiful. His was awesome. After they left, more players had been showing up, and we had a full ice scrimmage. Such amounts of exercise, I wondered how I handled it. It was funny. Even in the summer, it was so competitive that it wasn’t as fun as I imagined it to be, I guess it could never be as much fun as those first shinny games, the rollerhockey games. They left, Paul left after a few hours and then some. I was alone on the ice. I lined up some pucks, shot them one after the other. Again and again. I worked on my stick handling. I collapsed on the ice. I was there at noon and I left at six. When I got home, I felt incredibly relaxed, drained, better. How did it go? Good. I went to my room for bed. Allister knocked on the door. How did it go? Good kiddo. I’ll take you out one day when there isn’t a Spelling on the ice. Cool. He shut the door gently, and moseyed off to watch t.v. again. He didn’t hang out in his room anymore.  

*

 Tristan. Tristan. wake up. there is someone here to see you. Just give me a second Maisie. I’ll come to the door when I’m dressed and ready. I don’t think either of those are necessary. She’s right here. Who? Agnes. Hey. I sat up, I still had the covers around my waist, though I moved to the edge of the bed. Hey. It’s surprising to see you, here. I'm happy, though. I missed you. I kissed her on the cheek, as some form of greeting that wasn’t an awkward hug. I wanted to see you. It was a feeling like I had to talk with you right away. I have to ask you something. I had a feeling what she might ask me. I was not happy about it. Whatever you want to know, whatever you ask, I will tell you, I’ll have a response. Okay I’m being serious. Do you still love me? Of course. I love you so much. Okay. Now that I’m finished school, I’ve had so much time to think things over. I regret the way I’ve been acting. I was mad at you for leaving. I felt like you screwed us up. And I got so caught up in acting like a teenager that I forgot to be myself. It’s just everyone was, we were all graduating together, and I got too caught up in everything. I blame myself for letting you go so easy. I blame me for acting selfishly. It’s so great to hear you say these things. I wasn’t so sure what to do now. I was surprised. I put my hand on her wrist, held her hand. You are still the closest friend I’ve ever had. She started playing with her hair. Did we break up? Yeah, I think we did. I really want to get back together. Why? Why do you think. I miss you so much. I can come to school here. I even asked my parents. There okay with it. Really. I can enrol for january. I never thought. I. You have new friends now, and I like your family so much. I want to start over with you now too. I don’t know. That sounds great, but I would usually say, stick to your plan. I don’t want to. Have you gotten bigger? I have been working out really hard. She just kissed me, grabbed my face with her hands, and pushed me down in the bed. She was sitting on my stomach, her back arched to still kiss me. Fuck me. I can’t. Come on. I’m so sorry. Maisie is like right outside. You should go. She wouldn’t take no for an answer so easily. She wasn’t used to me saying no to her. She to took her shirt, put my hands on her chest, and started moving her kisses down my body. Oh boy. Agnes, please. I can’t. Not right now. Me saying it twice, she knew she had to stop. She was hurt, but she knew why. Fuck. Okay don’t go yet. She was starting to get off me, but I just put my hands on her waist gently. Why are you here. Why the fuck do you think I’m here. Okay, we haven’t talked in a while. Maisie and I live in London. We’re just back here for a little while. We’ll I’ll be here when you visit. Don’t bring her. That won’t work. Don’t you me. It’ll work. If you have to, just not here. Close but not here. It is a great place. Like where. Washington. You better come visit me. If you want me to do this. She started kissing down my body again. Gladly. I turned her over with her legs still around me. Stay quiet, would you. I haven’t slept with anyone else. I know. Keep it down. Tristan, I Quiet. I put my hand over her mouth. Just stay in here. I put on some clothes, and went downstairs where Maisie was napping. Hey. She’s still her. She’s so pretty. You think so? Yea. I’m not really sure what to do. Did she say where she is staying, how long, or anything like that? No. I don’t have the feeling she even bought a return ticket yet. She’ll just call her parents when she’s ready. I don’t think it will be such a long time. I like her. I had no idea she was coming here. I didn’t want you to like her. We’ll your going to have to invite her to dinner and stuff. We can’t tell her to leave yet. Alright, I suppose. It was only four o’clock. I’ll go talk with her some more. she says she misses me. She’s not lying. I didn’t think that she was. Hey Agnes. How are you feeling? Really, really good. I like your bed. Thankyou. Hey, so tell me what’s been going on. Well, I’ve just been super sad lately. I’ve been sitting at home and stuff, I don’t want to go out. It really sucks. I feel like that sometimes. I didn’t know why I was feeling depressed. But I know your right here and I feel so much better, Glad you feel better. So, how long do you think you’re staying? I don’t know. I just came to see you. I didn’t think about it after that. I didn’t realize you were like living with her and stuff. I’m glad to see you, anyways. Hey, so if you’re here. We have to do something tonight. Want to go for Sushi? Okay. sounds good. when are we going to leave. a couple hours. really? it’s still early then. yes. just lay her with me. why not. Allister came with us. That was a big relief. He did have an ability to draw attention to himself, so it was all about him, and not about our visitor. Agnes, what do you like better dragon rolls, or the california rolls? The california rolls. Let’s get the dragon rolls! Hey, Allister, why would you get the opposite of what I asked for? Don’t take it personally. Dragon rolls was the right answer! You have to understand, Allister is something of a professor. I think he got the idea from the movie. What kind of professor. I think his area is corporate law, I said. I’m not sure yet. The curriculum is very diverse. What mark did I get? You got a zero! Try again next time! Ouch Allister. You were never this mean to me before. I don’t think he’s trying to be mean. He’s making jokes. Professors often think they are funny, don’t they Allister. Always, every time. It’s because you have to laugh. I’m not going to laugh at bad jokes. Then I’ll make better ones! Good. And all pick funny professors. I’m the only one! At this University anyways. I teach at Harvard. See, he explains everything very well. It wasn’t so bad, all of us out together. They were both beautiful. They didn’t talk to each other. They both talked to Alli though. Allister, I think she is crushing on you. When that happens, be nicer to them, Maisie said. Do you like me? gross! Allister! No, I don’t like you Al, I just think you’re as adorable as you were five years ago, Agnes said. Remember the time we went to Las Vegas together! Yes. We couldn’t do anything and everything smelled like smoke. The grand canyon was so breath-taking! You remember? Of course. I almost fell over! Uh oh. Where was your Dad? He was taking pictures. Okay Alli, we’ll get the dragon rolls, because I want them. Also though, I want California rolls. Were getting this as well, I said. That’s okay. I can have some of both of them too. I really want dumplings too. Me too. Do you want Tristan’s bed tonight? He can bunk with me. You don’t have to do that No its good. tristan, you like this right? very much so, Maisie. Your sleeping in her bed? Which one do we like more? Alli. There is no one that we like more. There is just me and my girlfriend. Fair enough tristan. The food came, and they both ate very genteelly. We didn’t talk very much, but it wasn’t so awkward. I had spent a lot of time with all of them. Maisie was oddly comfortable. She knew that I loved her. Hey alli, did Sally lend you any books until you come back again. yea. She lent me peter pan. that’s one of my favourites. i know. I think that’s why she gave it to me. how do you like it? mmm. I don’t like the how he lost his shadow. it doesn’t make sense. of course it makes sense. it makes perfect sense. no it doesn’t and why does he build a house over her? i think when you never grow up you do some funny things sometimes. more than just sometimes. I like Mr. Darling though. he’s like dad. no Mr. Darling is like dad. as you wish. we’re you talking to me, Maisie asked. That you have to ask is a sign of the peculiarity of the situation. Agnes looked away awkwardly. Well. I’m full. Where is the waitress. Lets say sayanora for goodness sake Maisie, your driving. She laughed quietly. Alli let’s sit in the back together. Yay! Look over there! that’s our favourite. your favourite who! Agnes said. our favourite animal. the cat with the red tail. you know the one maisie. she’s so pretty. I wonder if there is a name for that, or if she isn’t a breed, but more a genetic abnormality, a perfect, beautiful, delectable, genetic gift? who! agnes said. the animal. I think it’s just one like that here or anywhere, Maisie said. that’s what I say. this is boring let’s talk about something else. what do you want to talk about Allister? I don’t know. I like when we talk about Maisie. What do you say about me. All kinds of things, really. Like What. We say only the best things, right Allister? Oh. Yes really, crazy good things. Okay, Allister let’s be quieter than them for the rest of the ride. I would say I agree but I don’t want to be unquiet. perfect, most perfect. no more talking. no more talking. hey. listenzehere. When we got home, I took Allister up to his room, set a movie on netflix. Then I turned out the lights, said goodnight, and went back to the living room, were they both were sitting, looking at their nails. I’m ready for bed. let’s get to bed. I’m actually not so tired, said Agnes. Me neither really, said Maisie. (argghhh) well then let’s just sit here. You know, Jeanne said we can come over. We should have Agnes meet Jeanne. Who’s there? just her and Edwin. very well. Agnes, are you satisfied with this? more than so. We better go before I fall asleep. Fair enough, Tristan. We drove again, this time Agnes was sitting in the back. She poked out the window, fairly interested in the city. Is this the first time you’ve been here, Maisie asked. Mhmm. It’s very beautiful I really like it. I guess we might show you around some. Tristan? I wouldn’t mind. I’m free all afternoon tomorrow. Well, then. We’re going in the back? I don’t want to feel like we’re Edwin. Lots of people come in this way. They were in the kitchen. Hey Jeanne. This is Agnes, I said. Hi, he told me a bunch about you. I hope your okay with that. We’ve known each other a long time. I was selective. It’s okay, at least he remembers me, Agnes said. What do you guys want to do tonight. I think Tristan wants to get really drunk, Maisie said. I just want to do something. Yea, he always wants to get really drunk, he usually holds back though, actually, Agnes said. Hey. Enough profiling for one night and forever! No, I want to hear all of it, Maisie said. When something else comes up, Agnes said. Here, Tristan, have a shot with me. Your already into the hard stuff. Of course. Mah. What an awful taste. chase. chase. suck it up princess., Edwin said. hey. i’m the prince here. i’m the prince. He’s my little dude. Maisie, suddenly were not all so sure, Jeannie said. None of that Jeannie. Don’t ruin my mood and things and my mood. Well, your girlfriend and your girlfriend that you never really could break-up with is her. I think he has everything under control, Maisie said. It’s not like we don’t know about her. We know all about her. We never thought she’d come here though. She is here. Look: yes, there she is. Let’s keep drinking. another shot, mate, Edwin said. Everyone this time. This is to my identity crisis, new beginnings, fresh starts, to beauty. Just shut up and drink. cheers. nice tristan. I hadn't noticed. Is that what you learned in London, said Jeannie. One day I’ll show you what I’ve learned there. Gladly, Tristan. Gladly. Let’s go to the park or something. I’m restless now. Do you really feel like going outside? It’s cold. It’s freaking August. Put on a little windbreaker. Whatever. Are you cold Maisie. I’m really perfectly okay. Regardless of the indifference I was feigning, I care. a little. Do you really want to come live here? Maisie asked. Yeah it seems like fun, Agnes said. Fun? Is that criterium for far-away cities? seems like fun? I don’t know I guess? You’d want to think that one through some more. A lot more. Then don’t do it. It might be a good experience. It will probably be a terrible experience. Maisie is used to British people insulting here all day long. Its okay she’s sort of right. I haven’t thought it all through really yet. We noticed. Tristan, get a handle on your women there, yah. I wasn’t going to mix them together. Maisie wanted to be one of our friends. I think ideally, she’ll go home in a couple days, and forget the idea. But really I did have to make a choice. Reaching past sports, past who lived across the street from here. I guess Agnes and I weren’t supposed to have quit. And we learn to make it better. She was compromising now, it worked a lot better. I wish we hadn’t been fighting. It hadn’t happened before. Looking off into the future, maybe they sort of needed to sort it out. I was going wherever I was supposed to. I never thought she really would come with me. In thinking I had two of them, I only stood the chance of losing both of them. Edwin, you’re such a goof. hahaha, he laughed. What are you doing? hahaha, he kept laughing. Maisie was pushing Agnes on the swingset. Higher. Like a little bit higher? Like a lot higher. What do I do, Jeanne, I said quietly. Honestly, I’m not really the one to give advice in this situation. But you definitely need to wait for her to leave, and let her go. Let her think how to say she might want you back. That she’s scared to move on. Then pick one of them. pick both of them if you want, I guess. That makes me feel worse. Hey, Agnes. You having fun. Mhmmmm. good. which one are you are you staying with tonight? Maisie of course. It is getting cold. I hope you aren’t getting cold, Jeanne. No, I’m okay. What do they see in me, Jeanne? A pretty face, something like that. It’s cool you got to meet Agnes though. She’s great. I can tell. What the hell is Edwin doing? I’m not sure. We should probably leave. We didn’t mean to stay long. but how was europe? we had so much fun together. mostly, it became about looking after, Allister, though. it gave everything more direction, as when we went around the city, our purpose was to show Allister things. When we went for dinner, we had to make sure he was eating properly. When Dad called, he wanted to know how Allister was. Things like that. Wish I was there. It’d be nice. If you can, you’re welcome to stay for a while. Okay. Hey, how did your step mom kill herself ? It’s quite gruesome. She hadn’t been away from her bed in over a week. I’m not sure if she had been thinking about it for that long, or maybe more time, and then she bled herself to death. How horrible if there was a little boy there, to make it even worse. Is Allister shaken up about it? Yes. Most of the time now, he’s alright. We’re obviously trying to have fun, and keep his mind away from those things. Sometimes, he has moments were if he’s away from us, and he has been thinking for a while, he usually starts thinking about it, and his eyes get very worried looking, and he plays with his lip and cheek. We interrupt him lightly, and I think eventually, he will overcome, I suppose, the trauma. Maisie,Agnes, you ready to drive home. Remember I was tired when we left. Think how I feel right now. Okay. I closed my eyes in the back, and was feeling sleepy. This time it was Agnes. We’re here now, sweetie.The next morning I woke up and found myself draped over Maisie. I wasn’t thrilled with myself for being effeminate in my sleep. I got up quickly and made breakfast. What have you made? Agnes was the first one up. She had probably slept the least. I made an omelette. Do you want to share some of it? Sure. I didn’t really want to share any of it, but I gave her about half of it. There’s pepper and stuff in it. I’ve been cooking for myself in London. I was cooking for myself a lot in the past year too, without any mother-types around. Right. How did you sleep? Okay. Great. So, did you have something in mind for what to do today? Whatever you’re going to do, I’m happy to do that. I’m going for a skate this morning. After that, we can go around the city, or hang in the house. up to you. I’ll come watch you skate. the rink is very cold. that’s okay. can i wear one of your sweaters. i don’t see why not. Hey Maisie. Agnes is going to come watch me skate. Oh. Why? I think she’s wondering what it’s all about, and why I find it so interesting. I like watching him play. You even have an audience for practice, good for you, Maisie said. I’m going to go pack my equipment. Just put that in the sink when your finished. It had dried, wasn’t wet anymore. The summer weather was better for this than the heater. As I took things off the tree, and put them in my bag, I could hear them through the ceiling. we needed more sound proofing. Why are you watching him practice? I want to spend time with him. You can’t talk to him if he’s on the ice. I like to watch him play. You can stay here if you want. I could call Jeanne I want to spend time with him. Okay. How long are you staying? Not much longer. I’m fine with you being here if it isn’t too long. Thanks. I came back up. Okay, let’s go. Is this your car? More or less. How far is the rink? Not very. Five minutes. Really? It was like an hour before. Yes, this is much more sane. As you can see, I’m a very good driver. I can see this. I always felt safe with you. Now your even better at this. Just think, in a few years, how good I could be. In a few years you’ll probably be together with her. I think there is a strong possibility of this. I like her a lot. If she’s what you want I guess. So later, if you want to go somewhere, we can visit downtown, see some of the shops, these kinds of things. That would be the most fun, I think. It doesn’t matter that much. As long as we do something. I’m going to call my dad when your getting dressed. he’ll probably book the flight right away. okay. no rush. we aren’t that busy right now, aside from this, really. so this is our only highway. there are only three lanes. how do people get around? they take bikes, trains, sky trains, or they wait in traffic. Our municipal government would prefer that we as a whole were very eco-friendly. The benefit to have the city kept this way, and living here being in a valley, is that the city is going to keep growing, but it won’t get supermassive like L.A., at least not for many years. That’s why it’s a special city, I guess. I think that is a really big part of it. Here is the turn off, and there are three stadiums here. Each one has two or more rinks. So much hockey. It’s a lot really. I have to try and not watch it at home. When I’m watching it it’s usually to study the game. Is this really like a club? Yea but only for hockey and shuffleboard. There is a bar and cafe, I guess. You might as well get a coffee or something. I’ll probably be on the ice by the time you’ve finished talking with your father. k k. See you in a few here. I got dressed quickly, warming myself up in the cold building. I taped two sticks, and got on the ice. I was the first one out there today. It was a full roster of players though, and two goalies. I looked up, and she was in the stands. there was a few people watching. It wasn’t bad. I liked having her here. This was kind of good. Since it was summer, I could dangle as much as I wanted. I’m not sure if I have ever showed off my skills for her before. She only came to the really important games.  

*

 She liked it. She said it was fun. I’m going to lie down for a bit, and then were going to walk around the city. Want to come? No, you guys go. I’m just going to keep watching movies with Allister, I think. Okay. That sounds like fun. He’s watched many. He has good taste in them by now. We’ll see you tonight. Okay. Join then. Sure. I guess we could start at Waterfront. That would be sort of the easiest place to begin. We could watch the cruise ships, and then mosie towards Granville and Robson, we can visit the seawall as well. She was quite as we drove. In previous times, in Houston, she would have been texting, and telling me things while we drove. It is frightening to be in another city. Not that she was frightened. We made quick time. It was early still, there wasn’t any traffic. Also, I’m really good at parallel parking. We’ll park on the street. Are you watching? Can’t wait. Okay. I found a space, stopped and backed in. I didn’t have to readjust. Wow, I’m actually impressed. I know. It’s a very useful skill. Yes. Yes it is. We walked along the water. What do you think of it here? Of the view I guess. It’s nice. It’s my favourite city now. I love the mountains. What is that called there? That is lion’s peak. Oh. it kind of looks like that. mhmm. Where are all of these boats from? The ferries usually come from Alaska. They leave here, go up through the ice, and come back. Sometimes, I think they start in California, and they stop here, people come to the city for the day, and they leave again. Cool. Yea. Were do you want to go next? Let’s keep walking this way. Okay. People were looking at us a lot. We were quite mostly. I didn’t like the feeling of people listening. And there’s lots of yachts here. This is a wealthy city. What is that up ahead? It looks expensive. That’s the Hilton. Oh lets go inside. We walked in and the counter wasn’t by the door, but a little ways away, the main floor a very open area. Come this way, I said. We went up the stairs, to the level where they had their conference rooms, their sort of gala rooms. Oo did you have your prom here? We didn’t. It would have been better here, though. There’s a piano over here. Do you play piano now? Only a little. Play me something. I don’t think you really want that. Come on, please. Well, okay. This is nice. Just listen. What is it called? It isn’t important. I’ll tell you later. Where.. just listen. that was really impressive. how did you learn that? On the internet. I took two days learning it. Can you play anything else? No. Let’s go back downstairs. She was looking at herself in the mirrored walls, examining her outfit. It’s frowned upon to play the piano for too long, I said. We walked back downstairs, into the street again. It was a little warm in there. It’s cooler with the breeze off the water. It’s a nicer way to live than when it’s too hot to be outside unless you’re at a swimming pool. That’s one nice thing. Its easier to build a lifestyle around it. Why do you think of these things? I read a lot. like anything? only the best stuff. so your an elitist? you already knew that. to rephrase, you can have good taste and be a good person. so you’re not an asshole for choosing Vancouver over Houston? I don’t think so. At the time, it was about hockey. I want to live so as that people are reassured in following their dreams. We all need something to live for. That’s sweet. I hope so. I hope people are sweet. Because I’m not sure the world is. We could keep walking. Do you want to visit pacific centre, or keep walking to Stanley Park? No, let’s go home. How long has it been? Two hours. Let’s take a picture by the fountain thingy. Then we go home. Let’s. — Home they were still watching movies. When I looked closer, I saw they were both asleep. The t.v. was still on, and we sat down on the couches as well. What movie is this? The two towers. No wonder there asleep. I don’t know how many times we’ve watched those. I’ll search netflix for something else. Hey Allister. you just waking up? when did you get home? just then. we were bored. we didn’t think you would be home until dark. well, tah dah. we’re home. what are we going to watch now? I’m not sure? Comedy or drama? drama. i’m browsing, but not finding anything. keep looking. we’ll find something. there’s nothing to watch. they are just movies. let’s pick one. Maisie, find anything? have you all seen the lives of others? I’ve seen it. Allister and Agnes haven’t seen it, though. Let’s watch it. It’s a bit dark, though. It’s educational though. We’ll watch some of it. Oh yea, hey what did your dad say Agnes? I said I wanted to leave on wednesday but I’m leaving tomorrow instead. He said it was easier to get a flight then. Oh that kind of sucks. It’s okay. I have really enjoyed seeing you. What time tomorrow? It’s in the evening. I’ll drive you when your ready. Thanks. The night went by slowly. It didn’t seem we were going anywhere that night. We were getting along pretty well, the fact Agnes was leaving, made everything easier, as it was only for a little while longer, and she wouldn’t stress our relationship any further, right now. All in all, the company was nice. It wasn’t so awkward, really. This movie is really good, said Allister. It really is a classic, I said. Do you mind the subtitles? No. It’s like reading a book I guess. This was what we might have done any day in Houston, though we have moved ourselves way up here. Then again, there was always something else to do. Here, it was just the three of us, or the four of us I suppose. Outside, there were things to discover, but that was tiring, and you had to come home to recover your energies, and to feel wholly safe. Maisie and Allister were really into the movie. Agnes was a little distracted. I imagine she didn’t quite get what she imagined from this trip, but I might venture she got what she wanted. Pretty soon, we would be back in London. Right now, Maisie and I had that in mind, and we were building our energies for the very busy life there. Our lives were just starting now, and it was the same with Agnes too. I like to think that I have changed from this experience. I have. But other people have changed too. Agnes isn’t the same as she was a year ago, and we are the better for it. It was so easy to be someone else away from home. It is another thing to try and make people accept that you’ve changed. That’s the challenge of growing up. How to change and become something much more than what you were before. Maisie, when are we going to leave? Next week, I don’t have to go yet. I was looking forward to being away again. So, you guys don’t feel like going anywhere tonight, and we can stay home, right? Sounds good to me, Allister said. I more meant Maisie and Agnes. That’s okay. It will be a long flight. There are some good movies here. We only looked at one genre. I just want to watch this movie more, Allister said. When it was time for bed, I felt sad leaving Agnes. Maybe I was making the wrong choice, and right then I thought, I don’t have to decide everything right now in this moment. Maisie and I stayed up for a little more time, we weren’t ready to give the day away yet. It was quite in the house. I felt like this was more the way it should be, all the same. It’s not that good of movie, she said. It’s about loneliness. It is. So how do you feel about Agnes’s stay here? Just from watching you together a lot more makes sense about you now. She’s nice. It helps that her stay was short. She really just showed up. A few months ago, I would have been very happy about this. I guess she had a proper chance to come, and less constant company without school. And by the way, are you going to see your parents before we go? Of course. Will you come for dinner on friday? Definitely. Is your mom is nice. I like your dad. Mhmm. You’ll sort of see what she’s like. The next day, I drove Agnes to the airport, and I said goodbye, kissing her on the cheek. She walked away through the gates, and I got back in the car, and drove home again. Maisie’s father was ex-military, but he was very nice. He was a manly man though. He liked being with the guys. That’s why he took to me easier than I thought he would. Maisie’s mother on the other hand, was less warm. She was very demanding of her children, expected to be treated with a lot of respect, she had a lot of pride, and pushed Maisie into valuing beauty and looks and competition. Well, this looks good. Who cooked. I did. Just me that cooked everything, Maisie’s mom said. Great. Can’t wait. Maisie was well-dressed for the occasion. She made me do the same. So is this serious, between the two of you? I would say yes, it is, mom. She thought about her answer for a while. Okay. Tristan, are you still feeling it about the game? Yes, who wouldn’t be? Don’t take it to heart. Think about doing better next year. Thanks. And Maisie, be careful over there. I don’t want to be more worried about you than I already am. Yes, Dad. And you’re always welcome home. You don’t have to be at Tristan’s all the time. I might stay here tonight, I guess. You should. We can spend some time together. I made my way home, and I felt alone for the first time in a while. I texted Agnes to see how she was doing. She made it home safe. Said thanks for letting me stay. I said anytime. A little while later she texted me, will I see you anytime soon, you think? I hope so, I wrote. Hey Allister. When the heak is Dad coming home? I don’t know. Good question. Really. I want to know. A couple of days. Why you want something. No. I just don’t want to be left alone. That won’t happen. Where’s Maisie? She’s staying at her parents tonight? What? Why? She hasn’t spent any time with them lately. What’s your worry? Who am I going to hang out with? You can’t occupy yourself for one night alone? It just isn’t very much fun. I can hang with you tonight? That isn’t the same. You like have to. It’s not like that. Come on, let’s walk hollander. He hasn’t been on one for a day now. Yea why haven’t you walked him? I’ve a visitor; I’ve had visitors. Holls. Here pup. Even he isn’t the same. Death. So, I haven’t brought this up. But were alone together now. How are you doing about Paige’s death. It doesn’t bother me. Really. Because it seems like it bothers you sometimes. It bothers me too. I don’t know why she did it. There was nothing wrong. I think sometimes people get sick Allister. It was probably the pills she was taking. All in all, that women wasn’t your mother. We care about you, and your mom wouldn’t have done that. She looks like Maisie. You think so? That’s funny because I always thought she looked like Agnes. No. she looks like Maisie. Do you know something? What? She use to go on walks with you all the time. Really? Like where did we go. All over. trails. near rivers. atop mountains. in New York. Alaska. all over. cool. I’ve seen some pictures of that. you use to do lots of stuff. lots of stuff. they were one of those active couples. I think that’s how they met. when did they get married. two years before they had me. I think it’s better that way. They had practice working together before I was born. Hmm. Why do you like hockey so much then? I don’t know. Maybe it was Wayne Gretzky. Do you now that they had an outdoor game in Los Angeles. Why? To grow the sport. It was really warm. And then they started to have teams all over the United States. It’s tough to say if this was a good thing. But i guess it’s partly economic boom, Wayne Gretzky, and airplanes. Do you think you’ll play in the NHL? Maybe. When I was your age, I use to wish all the time to play in the NHL. I imagined winning the scoring title, the Stanley Cup. I thought about it a lot. Cool. Are you going to pick up his poop or do I have to? I think I have the bags anyways. Well, should we turn around now? It’s getting late. okay. there’s a pizza. Should I make it? that sounds good. what’s this? game 7. I think Detroit is going to win. No it’s Pittsburgh year. Datsyuk sure is good, though. What about Zetterberg. There all good. But Malkin and Crosby are the best in the league. I think the pizza is ready. You can bring it in here. Okay. It was no surprise the game had changed a lot. The new rules helped, but the play wasn’t as end-to-end anymore. Power plays boosted the number of goals, but I’m not sure they were as entertaining. So do you want to play hockey? You’d be a bit late starting, but if you’d learned the basic skills, it might be worthwhile. We have something big in common. I’d like it. But I’ve been skating before, and it’s not very easy. You get better really quickly. Hollander. Come here boy. Good pup. He’s in good shape. Healthy pup, healthy. Did you have dogs when mom was alive? We had three, though not at the same time. How did she carry me? On her back. Like a camel. Do you think Hollander likes Vancouver? He likes it so much. He loves the weather. I worried about him when we use to pant so much. Not many people have dogs there. Here, everyone has them. It’s easier for them. I’m going to walk him everyday. I hope so. I wish Maisie was here. How is your pizza? It’s always really good. ate so much. weren’t you watching. now i’m thinking…can we get milkshakes? You aren’t tired? Not really. I guess so. Let’s watch this period first. okay, so what kind do you want? We always get chocolate. I just want Vanilla this time. I’m getting Vanilla too. Where are we headed, little guy? We’re going to Whitespot. Very well. After we got in the car, I told him, I can’t remember where it is? Can you direct me. Of course you know where it is. It’s strange, but I just forget. Maybe you can direct me. We where there the other day. Okay. it’s simple. go straight. and then drive to whitest. such good directions. And how is yours? Vanilla is tasty. Mhmm. All this sugar I’m feeling a little tired now. Lets drive home. I’m tired too. Did I tell you Isaak has been hiding since January? Why? He kissed an older guy’s girlfriend. He doesn’t want to fight him. He’s only half his size. He has to get over it eventually. I’ll protect him. Isaak and I can take the older guy together. Cool. Why is Ellis sick all the time? I’m not sure yet. Maisie and I were leaving soon. Dad was going to come home soon. Our priorities would be shifting a little. Allister would have to take some more responsibility for himself. I started packing for the flight. I’ll have to bring more things this time. We can’t just buy everything. It’s going to be cold now. That’s what I was going to say. My mom bought me a new coat. It’s really, gorgeous. My mom has expensive taste. When Dad finally got home, we were happy to see him. He was a little sad, you could tell he’d been working hard, and that he was starting to get older. He made dinner for us. He was a good cook. At first he felt like I was still with Agnes, but he liked Maisie, even more now. So I’ll drive you guys to the airport on friday. Eva says she wants to come this time. She misses you when your not here. I’m not sure if there will be enough room. We can put your suitcases in the back. They fit. I really like London, it’s so exciting, whereas Vancouver is boring and sort of off the radar, Eva said. I wish I could come with you. Me too, I said. Are you guys going to go away somewhere cool again? Maybe. I’m not sure if it’s the same in the fall. Hey eva, are you going to come visit Allister sometimes while we’re away? Of course. I think we were talking of taking him to whistler for a week. Perfect. I was searching through my messages, and I had the time on my phone. Aghh, we are super early for this flight. Can we get timbits, Allister said? We could have a whole dinner, honestly. I call the honey dips. Ten honey dip, ten chocolate, what are those they look interesting. Let’s get those. Ten of those. Three ice caps as well. I guess this was the end of our journey. An even bigger one was just starting. We were much closer now. Your just supposed to love your family, but before things like this happen, and you realize you can count on them, I’m not sure if that love is real. Who knew what direction we were going, who knew what direction the world was going. Another hour and a half before the flight. There are no line-ups at security either. Dad was happy for us, he was happy with how Allister was now. He was much more talkative, and he was more pleasant. We thought for a while he would need a psychiatrist, psychologists, and psychiatrists. Luckily, he didn’t. These ones are good. Tristan, you can have one honey dip. Thank you, that means so much to me. It tastes so good. yummy. your welcome. That reminds me. Did you ever hear from the girl in the bookstore? She might be expecting you. I told her I’m staying here. I invited her to come live here but she said she couldn’t. We’ll go to the bookstore and tell her it’s too bad. Maybe in a couple years. I think I’ll go there before she gets to come here. She doesn’t have family here. I’m here. And science world. Science world? She likes science. Eva are you going to be home at Christmas. Am I, um yes I am going to be here, why do you ask? We’re going to visit again then. Okay good. I would be so upset if I didn’t see you until next summer. I think it’s about time. We’ve waited around for a long enough time. We got up, and we walked towards the gates. We’ll thanks for coming to see us go, guys. I hope everyone is feeling okay now. Take care, be safe Allister. You can call anytime, even though you probably won’t. Bye, Tristan and Maisie. Thanks for coming Eva, Dad. See you guys. We walked through the gate and headed to our departure area. I felt better now. It was a nice day. The plane started moving. Take off started, and the plane left the runway, and we were in the air, up and moving.   IV. Hey Spelling, let’s shoot top shelf glove side all practice. Why would we do that? See how many times you can do it. You can’t go blocker side over the pads every time, even if you really were Joe Sakic. Anyways, I’m going to do that, I’m bored today. I did it three times. Then I told Isaak. Nice man. Do it in a game. Let’s do this drill together. He was a pretty good passer. Sara was here today, she hadn’t been here for a while er and Jennie were talking about something, not necessarily hushed, but budded, evaluating some decision. I think she was coming over to where I was in line for the next drill. Hey. So, do you want to. You know. Oh. I’m sorry. Do you know what I’m going to asking. Yes. Well, would you? I’m already going. With Maisie. Oh. Okay. Sorry. I would say yes, but I’m already going with her. Maybe you can come too, I don’t know. I have to do this drill now. I was surprised by this. I skating, and doing drills. Maybe I would talk with her at the end of the ice time. Isaak, Jennie just asked me on a date. Too bad you couldn’t say yes. Maybe if she’d asked at the beginning of the year. I wouldn’t hold it against her in anyway. That takes some guts to do. It does. Hey, when are we scrimmaging. We should scrimmage now. Ask Hayes. Let’s scrimmage. Enough drills. He never listens. He wants to do drills. There’s only a half hour left. We’ll scrimmage soon. When we were sitting in the dressing room afterwards, I felt sort of sad. I didn’t feel like talking that much, all the same, I left the dressing room last, taking a shower, and getting dressed slowly. I went and visited the pro-shop, got my skates sharpened there. One person did them well there. He was the pro-shop guy. I looked at the sticks, I didn’t really need anymore now. They were starting to get pretty cool though. I bought some more white tape and a powerade and then I left. This was my first day off in a while. I called Allister. Hey Al. Hi Tristan. How is Paige. She’s the same as she usually is. So she’s with it, she isn’t with it. Not really. It’s okay though. Sometime’s she’s good. I don’t need her help with anything really anyways. That’s good I guess. I’ll probably visit again soon. Okay. Have you seen Agnes. Mm. No. Really? She was here a few weeks ago. But other than that, haven’t seen her at all. That was because I asked her to doublecheck on Paige. Ahhuh. Okay. See you later kid. Bye. Hey Dad. Hey Kid. Paige is acting weird again. I know. How is Allister? He’s fine. I might go down there. Paige is getting less and less reliable. I think it’ll be okay for now. Have you gotten your sat’s back yet? No. They’ll be in the mail soon, I would think. Good. I’m going back to work for a little while. I don’t want Maisie or any other girls running around here while I’m gone or tonight. Okay. Tomorrow is an important game. We’ll be quiet whatever we do. They all seem to be important. Yea, I guess.  

*

 It was the year before. We were in class together. The instructor was droning on about graphing calculators, and we were texting surreptitiously. This is so boring. I know What the heck. I know. Are you really going to oklahoma this weekend? Yes. I want to come. I don’t think I can bring you. I could try stuffing you in my hockey bag. It’s really smelt though. You might just stay home, and be better off that way. See you on monday morning, we’ll go for coffee. You can come over for dinner too if you want. Are you making it? Yes. And your beautiful presence, the satisfaction of your tastes, would make it all the while worth. I’m not sure if it makes sense when you say it that way. Sounds nice though . Thank you. After class, we drifted through the hallway. We slowed down to talk to people. I didn’t know what to say to most people, she had something to say to everyone. Eventually I found Teagan and he talked about a camping trip. He said hello to Agnes and then it was time for next class. Do we really have to be in every class together today. Why are you complaining? You love me. The absence would make it stronger. Just shut up and let’s go take more notes. We have a mid-term next week, We do, We do. It’s a shame Teagan isn’t in this class. Then I’d have someone to talk to. Hey. I prefer your conversation. You can sort of do the same, don’t you think? Rarely, and not deeply about these kinds of things. I like her outfits. I don’t. Why they’re really nice. For a teacher, yes, I guess so. Why are we even together? Hey. Sorry. I’m the best. You really are. Do you think that any of this is actually important? No, not really. That’s unfortunate, really. I’m actually excited for English however. Yea stop talking so much in that class. I like talking about books. Moreover I like the participation points. You and your points. Don’t belittle me please. Okay. We switched over to text. My hand is getting so tired, it’s been a week of this. There’s a lot of things to remember. There definitely is. Not that many. Not so many things. Most of our teachers were good. The school was strong. Our days were full of each other, our afternoons were full of each other, and we were never out of touch. There, really though, wasn’t anything worse than a text message when I was already asleep. But everything was okay, I could go back to sleep quickly. One thing I didn’t like so much, which you might have thought I did, was that everyone talked about sports too much. I know, I’ve already complained about ESPN. And I like basketball, and I even like baseball, but football, especially southern schools, the way they approach the game, and their lives, is a little off, a little too much to say the least. It cultivates, rather than channels, the violence in the South. Going to a game with so many other people, is always exciting and interesting, however much the players hurt each other. Teagan liked to hang with us, but it was more fun when Agnes was busy. He had been single for like a year now, and when we went places he’d usually make me wingman, so he could make-out with more girls. He wasn’t a sports guy, and that was refreshing, though a little alienating. We had more fun dirt biking, or when we were younger, riding electric scooters, than we ever did playing sports. Then again, we played a lot of horse in the driveway. I remember when his parents got divorced. It’s not my place, but it might be for the best. I guess so, Tristan. I don’t want to leave here though. My mom’s keeping the house. I’m happy. We can still have fun, your mom is more encouraging of that anyways. In the summer, I use to wake up just like a school day and ride my bike over to see him, otherwise it would be too warm outside. We would watch movies, and in the late afternoon we’d go to the village for food, sweating in the heat as we came back. Should we go to the pools. No it’s not even cold anyways. Wonderful. When I was leaving a year later, he was more understanding. He just said, good luck Tristan, make sure you visit. I will. Take care Teagan. And when I left, I didn’t want it to be ceremonious. It wasn’t, people were upset, and this is a little overlooking of the reason — my Dad’s divorce wasn’t a pretty thing, even if it was a good thing. In the following years, leading up to now, I still saw him often, not a lot at first, and the very strange process of making our way over stretches of years, and changing, that is the stability upon which our lives sit. I wasn’t unhappy with this kind of living. It was just, I felt like having other good times. Hockey had always been important to me. I use to love to watch the games, and every day I was a famous hockey player. I drove Ferrari’s, I lived in a mansion, and went all over the continent playing for loads of people, doing interviews with NBC, CBC, ESPN. It was too bad ESPN didn’t show more hockey. I always had to wait until the very end of Sportsnet to see the hockey highlights. Sometimes, we got to see games. In Dallas, we saw ones in Nashville and LA, and me and Dad went to a few in Vancouver. I guess I’m not real sure why it was so surprising. My dad loved it, it could be poetic, you could achieve glory this way. When Mom was around I use to have her drive me to the rink. Stick and puck was fifteen dollars. Afterwards, sometimes I would go to free skate with the guys, and we would have races, watch the other people, mostly any ice time was good practice. At home I would play on the drive way all the time. There definitely was one thing, that it really calmed me down. It is really good exercise. And there is something thrilling about ice skating, especially on a pond. The phenomenon of ice, the thrill and fear that it might crack and you might fall in, that was exciting. In looking for clarity, purpose, hockey could centre me, and being on the ice alone, was a very calming experience. You really going? Yes, Agnes I really am. But you’ll be home soon. Not that soon. Soon though. Okay. You’re going to call right? Of course. Okay. Okay. And youth hockey was highly enjoyable too. Before the hitting, it was really fun. And it was special, I think, going to all these places, staying in hotels together, boys being boys, and having fun. I still wish we could play knee hockey tournaments.  

*

 — Hey Teagan. Hey, sorry man. Mostly I’m sorry for Allister, but yeah.Sucks. Thanks for staying with him. How is he? Fine, considering. What did it look like? I don’t know. Not much of a way to live, that’s for sure. It makes me feel angry, really. I’m as shaken as he is, hopefully I’m handling it better. Think so. It’s good that Maisie came, I would have brought her too. Yea. So, I haven’t been able to eat today. I’m going to get some juice, though. Want something? I’m good. I’ll keep an eye on the two of them. I went back through the door, and through the hallways. By the ice machine, there was a soda machine, but no juices, only bottled water. I thought about going to the bar, but they probably wouldn’t want me in there. I needed the fresh air. Not as crisp as I’d like. Still, I breathed deeply, the air not visibly polluted, anyways. I walked three blocks to the esso station. There was several cars filling up. The drinks were to the left. I went with a lemonade. I went to the register, and as I was waiting, I took a couple nutrigrain bars in case I got the urge to eat in several hours, or maybe in the morning. An elderly brown man helped me. I walked back, took the stairs a few flights, and I felt a little woozy. I stopped and drank some of my juice to help my sugar levels. Maisie and Allister were still awake. She was watching T.V., though Allister was staring at the wall, mostly. Hey you guys. If either of you are thirsty, have some of this. I am a little now that you mention it. Maisie had a sip. How is Allister? He’s hanging in there, he’s doing well. Hey Teagan. Hey, there both doing well. Your back now, but I’ll stay here with you guys a little longer. What are you watching? Just some movie on t.v. A t.v. movie? I’m not even sure. Is anyone tired, or will we all be awake tonight? I’m sure we’ll be able to tomorrow, Maisie said. I’d hope so. I guess it was whether they all were emotionally alright. This was our closest brush with death. I think we had all had relatives on other sides of the country that had passed away, but this was the first immediate person in our lives to pass away. there was, sadly, a couple of students that passed away, but we didn’t know them very well. It was strange how everything felt the same. My chest felt a little uneasy, but everyone sat in the same way where they would have before, and the t.v. continued in the same way, bringing us the outside world, which had oddly come to terms with the process of birth and death. This was life, you couldn’t change it. I don’t like this channel. What other channel would you want to watch Allister. A different one. Look at the guide. Nothing looks very interesting. Pick something funny. I was looking for something funny, Maisie said. It is getting late, Teagan said. Maybe we should be going to bed now, I said. Tomorrow will be a busy day of travel. I think Teagan has to work as well. I’m not very tired. Let’s go to the games room. I don’t think it’s open right now. I really don’t want to think about the house and stuff. I need to think about something else, Allister said. It’s best we just stay in the room, right now. I felt upset now too, and I wanted to do something to take all of his pain away, but it wasn’t easy. In any event, it would be over soon enough, there’d be someone with him for the next while, whether it was me, or Dad. I think we’re going to go back to our room to sleep. We’ll see you first thing in the morning Allister. Thanks Teagan, hope you sleep well. Thanks for coming here. We left the room and went up to ours. These stairs are winding when you haven’t eaten anything. I feel the same way, I said. Do you think you could eat now? Yes. It’s not really that late yet. We could probably get room service. Once we were inside, We looked at the menu and did get something to eat. She took a shower, and I lay down on the bed, seeing if I could fall asleep. Not right away I couldn’t I guess, and I answered the door when the room service was there. Maisie came in from the bathroom when I closed the door. Oh, I am so hungry now, she said. Me too, I’m feeling a little weak. I’m glad our flight is early. Enough of hotel rooms. I guess the guest bedroom is Allister’s room now. It’s not so weird that your living in that house after this. That was the least of my worries, but yes that’s a good thing. What a nice little boy. He takes after Dad. Dad and him would get along. Allister was getting older. He was interested in more things. He’d like Vancouver. He hadn’t been there yet. It was time he visited, or as it was shaping up, moved there. I wondered how much money we had accrued for parking. Quite a bit, but it wasn’t a big deal. It was just after midnight now. I actually felt a little cold. I had brought one sweater. I could see the warmth in Maisie’s cheeks from the shower. The shower had softened her feelings. She was very calm now. her hair was spun under a towel, and she was wearing pj’s. I think she enjoyed visiting a new city, and getting to see where I lived, in the midst of the perverse feelings we all had experienced in the course of the day. It was quite something how she connected with Allister, and Teagan, right away.