A journal entry 3.1

By Asa Montreaux 

In the year 2007, I had an experience that I am still trying to get a handle of. While I came to terms with it emotionally a long while ago, the ramifications in the world around, and in the world beyond the local, are something I am still trying to completely correct. 

It seems there is corruption in the world, and I accept that now. I was aware of it in 2007, but I am cognizant of it now in 2021 as something that exists on its own. There is corruption in the world, that is a fact. And I have found it to be a fact that there is a lot of corruption in the world. What that meant to me is I was being defrauded, and my life was being endangered. I suppose I would say my rights were not being respected, as well. Though my life being endangered was certainly the most serious, and also the most immediate thing on my mind.

So today I would argue strongly that there are con artists out there always, who are ready to make money or intellectual property or whatever else, at any moment in time. I am not one, but everyone is not like me. And some people are completely heartless. And they might target you at any time, and they may inflict more hurt on you than you would think necessary, or reasonable, or even rational, to get what they want.

And sometimes we can be defrauded by people close to us. And the realization that I’ve had regarding that, is that it was someone close to me. I hadn’t accepted that someone, by continually trying to be close to me, had become seen as someone close to me, and maybe forever. I always fought to distance myself from this person. And I hadn’t accepted that maybe, as a young kid, maybe that would always be seen as close to me. 

And that would have been too frightening to accept as a child. Though after the trail of damage has become solidified, as maybe even the litterer themself had almost become bored of their destruction, I can accept it was someone close to me, in a way, anyways. 

They were not who they said to people in the world. They didn’t have the connections, social, business, or otherwise, that they said they had. They didn’t have the money they said they had. And they didn’t have the credentials or experience they said they had.

So I found myself at a crossroads, and maybe at an apparent dead end. It seemed I was going lose everything, all my money, my home, and then my life. Someone had endeavoured to hide my every accomplishment, deny every complement I received, and steal everything I had from me. They often tried to get things finished in one go by killing me. But they seemed sure if they just bled me to death, to use a metaphor, then I would surely die. Taking everything from a kid, and separating him from his parents, would surely be the death of him. One way, or the other way, it seemed he would lose his life.

I guess it became difficult to motivate anyone to fulfill their duties toward me. Why pay me for my work? Why even pay me wages? Why try to kick the out of my home, if they’ll just get break in again in a week. Why save my life, if I’m going to die by everyone giving up defending me, anyways. 

So I was left feeling spiritually alone, like no one was with me, like no one was even supporting me. And it only seemed to be something that could go in one way, at a certain point, I was going to die, unless I beat my adversaries, my villains. It didn’t seem like there was anything I could do to correct the situation, except the one thing I didn’t want to do, which was go into their layer. The house they stole from me. I had to pretend to, or maybe even accept their adoption. I may have been feeling I should put that into quotations, because what I was really accepting, was a kidnapping. I was accepting being kidnapped. 

But going in there as myself was surely death. They would kill me right away. But I was becoming bigger and stronger, and they were not that strong, these two kidnappers, so maybe in a few months, a little longer, I would have a chance of going back there and surviving. And I was the first wizard in the history of the world. So maybe I could survive in there, if I could somehow not spend all of my time in there.

And the solution was ai. Hologramming I called it. I would have to be there, without being there. I’d make a hologram person, without the projector. The problem was they weren’t quite that visible. Part of the hologram invention was that I made people who saw it hallucinate it as more there, than it was. Reality is something we can only perceive, so if everyone believed they saw it, their perceptions could trick them into believing it was part of reality.

I’d do it from the night, just travel back a day, sometimes I would just skip over a few months in a few nights. And there was a lot to correct and work on.

They were saying I had neglected the normal things in life. Forgotten about class, and maybe about friends, and family life. They were making up marks, and these were not passing marks. At a school I wasn’t attending, in a city I wasn’t living in. A school that had already said I had graduated from. Early, but all the same, it was official. And this calling into dispute everything I had put together to avoid the kidnappers saying this very thing, the other diplomas I had, to second and third I was well beyond high school level already. I had already been in university at MIT, and I had been taking courses at Harvard, and I was doing very well, all along. Getting nearly perfect. But it seemed they were convincing people of a different story. And they had said a lot of things about me, at a young age, that seemed to be completely inappropriate, and completely slanderous. 

It would take a lot to really save my accomplishment, to save my identity, and really, my life. There was something that was possible, which was to go back and say I had lived with them right from the start. I could play their son as ai. The bummer was that they had said I was born a long time ago, all along while before I was actually born. It wasn’t possible for me to actually meet their demands, I could live with them in the past, I couldn’t give them the things they wanted back then. I couldn’t give them things way back, before I was even alive. There really was no trust fund for someone who had not live yet, if that was where they wanted to go with it. But I could back to then, and play their son, as ai. I supposed I would jump through some parts. And I could protect myself and save time through making the first number of years an imagining, a dream that they would believe. In that way I’d always be myself. Everything before I was born would be not real. Just an imagining, something that had not happened. After that, I’d have to pop in as much as possible, though back in the past, up until the present, from 2005, to 2007. The dream was easy enough, and as one of kidnappers, the older man let’s say, who happened to like walking into my house, slept on the couch, I was able to convince him of nearly fifteen years of experience. 

Shortly thereafter, the other one took a nap on the couch, and I was able to convince her of fifteen years of experience as well. Most of it was shared between them, but some bits of it were separate. At first, she was slightly skeptical that the other one had had this experience, and that he had had it with her, but she came to believe both things after having the dream.

After that, I had to start dropping into the house they were staying in, as ai. And suddenly, they were demanding my presence there. Until this experience occurred for them, they only asked me to come around occasionally. The majority of the time they had been trying to kill me. Spending time with them as ai, they were really aggressive and hostile. They picked fights with each other and people around them, and if they couldn’t settle it, they shot them. It wasn’t good behavior even to witness, from somewhere else, and that made me a little somber. But ultimately it was necessary, and I thought it wouldn’t rub off at all, I was only viewing what they were doing. And I from the beginning was highly critical of it.

And after a short while, they were both complaining that it was possibly not the real me, and they real needed the real me, and sometimes they would show up, when I was around, I suppose, and try to kidnap me off to the house where they were living. Though they were never successful, obviously, and I never had to actually go there.

Back on 2005 I started off in grade 9 at the school I thought I would go to. It was the school in that area if you were going to public school. Although I was dreaming, and only hologramming there, I did extremely well, and after the first semester they allowed me to graduate. 

I had only been an invisible person, a barely visible person, but people were cordial with me, and they loved to talk about me. So I guess sometimes they said inappropriate things. I was only a kid, so I did not appear someone that really should be there. I didn’t want to appear much larger as a hologram than I was in real life.

All of the hologramming was something I did back in time. To hologram from 2005 to about midway through 2007 took about 1 month. Most nights when I would sleep I would hologram back, and try to simulate a whole experience. I needed to convince the parents and anyone they would speak to that the hologram was real, more or less. If they became too convinced it wasn’t a real person, then it all wouldn’t work. It was a lot of pressure, as my whole life hinged on it. But I couldn’t go back to the past, and I couldn’t actually go into the house without risking death every time. So this was the only option.