Catcher in the Rye 2 1.3

By Asa Montreaux 

Later that afternoon, there wasn’t very much to do, I sat around watching movies with the other people in this place with me. I’m a lot critical though I’m not going to get into with you because I told you alot already about the movies I like, if you remember the last time I was writing you. They were movies from years ago. Like five years ago, even ten years ago. I guess they weren’t really very interesting to watch, I really just decided in the end to go read some. I was quite reading Look Homeward, Angel, and quite getting into it. Though I wondered from page to page what this was for or what that was for. I think if I was going to write a book, I make it really short, and like poetic. Make every word count. It didn’t really seem to matter to add a bunch of other words. People would appreciate that. It would take less time to read. I guess maybe it wouldn’t necessarily be harder. The better a book the more I’d appreciate it. It’s hard to tell how the whole society feels. On the whole people are lazy. On the whole people like things really nice. Style doesn’t take away from quality but maybe length doesn’t add to quality, and I do mean to say maybe length doesn’t mean more better content. I guess it does mean more content.

I would take a nap some days in the hospital, but today, I didn’t feel like it. It seemed like it would take away from the feeling of having a full day. Not that those days when you there feel full necessarily, it just it made it seem like I’d done nothing at all, when I really ought to have done something, I guess. 

After that, I continued with some of my journaling and it was really helping me to get my thoughts out on paper. I was finding ways to look differently at my experiences before coming here, and It made me feel more accepting of everything that had happened. There’s always a consequence for out actions, and I understand that now. Like, no matter what choice, there’s a consequence. I guess not all consequences are good, and that’s very easy to acknowledge. But there will be reactions because of every actions I guess.

I didn’t know if I believed in free will, now, as opposed to before. I guess all of my actions could have been predetermined. But really there was no God. But maybe my whole personality, inside me was exactly the way it was because of who I was like because of my genes. As if my thoughts are determined by my genes. It probably only the case that my thoughts are a little influenced by my genes. I definitely can have my own thoughts and make my own decisions, and because of that I have the choice to make a good or a bad decision. I guess I didn’t feel responsibility from my actions, but maybe I just hadn’t thought enough about them. I hadn’t really thought enough about the choices. 

So that was a way I could improve. I wasn’t sure if this doc and I would ever see eye to eye though. It was difficult to think that we would ever even get along. All this work would help me get on out of here, and start being someone living their life again, and hopefully really well. I guess if he didn’t come to see eye to eye with me, then I just have to try to convince we are on the same page. It probably won’t be that difficult. Sometimes you have to fake it a bit, not that okay. It’s a lot okay if you don’t break the law, and you really needed to do it help yourself get out of an unfair situation.

So getting out of this place. It had to happen after, I mean when, really, I put a stop to this fight between me and this doc. Really, he’s just giving me a hard time. I could deal with it, really, but the situation is I really have to get out of here.

As I was lying down, I was thinking about all these things. People in the hospital were very strange. I could hear people making strange noises, as if they were having a dream, or as if they were in a horror movie. Occasionally, you could even hear someone talking to themselves. More than mumbling. It was even a little scary. I didn’t hope they were okay, I really hoped they’d stay away from me. I suppose no one would touch me. If someone did, at this point, I would defend myself. I wanted to live by now. I really did.

Sometimes they ask me if I want a roommate. This is why I always say no thank you. People out there can be really creeps. And there were quite a few in this hospital, that probably wouldn’t be people I’d even really want to sit down with, let alone sleep in the same room with.

I guess I just needed to wait for the next appointment to come. Then I’d have my chance. I thought I probably had it all figured it out. I probably knew all the moves that I had needed to get out of there. 

*

‘Hi, Holden. Yes, come in.

‘Hi, doc.’

‘So what have you been thinking about the last two day? I hear you have been quiet.’

‘Is that a good thing, doc?’

‘Why, yes. Holden it is. I would say I believe it is a good thing.’

‘Well, thank you. Is that a display of good mental health?’

‘Yes, it is. It is controlled. You have behaved yourself.’

‘Was I too much in my room?’

‘No, you were not at all. Though…’

‘Yes, what was it?’

‘Well, you had watched a lot of movies.’

‘Was there something wrong with this?’

‘No, they are not full of the best messages for people. I suppose it was alright, though. You certainly were being occupied.’

‘I was occupying myself. So, seems like I hit all the bases.’

‘Well, not quite. There are more elements to consider. There are aspects of your personality that I’d like to correct. There is, ahh, more we could do here.’

‘My personality? That doesn’t seem like anything you need to worry about. I wouldn’t want to be here any longer.’

‘Than you need to be, did you mean?’

‘No, I meant period.’

‘Well, that’s not quite something I can do, right now. It will require more time to make all these issues better.’

‘But… well, never mind. So what do you not like about my personality?’

‘Your sarcasm.’

‘I see. What else?’ 

‘Well, for one, I do not appreciate how talkative you are. Holden, you talk, and talk.’

‘Well, that is not true. I am perfectly controlled. There’s not a conversation to be had around here.’

‘Yes, but aren’t you quite the talkative person when you are not around here?’

‘Well, I don’ t deny being a person that would talk a lot. I suppose you wouldn’t believe I’ve changed.’

‘In this short an amount of time, a change like that seems not likely.’

‘Yea, I have really been working on it. Watching what I say.’

‘I see. Well that actually leads me into my next point. Something I observe about your behaviors. You are insubordinate, Holden. And not only do you talk constantly. You often do things that we’re completely at your whim.’

‘I would say I may not think before I speak, though I think before I do. That’s for certain.’

‘And do you really believe that, Holden?’

‘I would say it’s true. I wouldn’t swear on my grandmother’s grave though.’

‘No, I don’t recommend doing that.’

‘Well, thank you. I hope she is sleeping well.’

‘I suppose that was a euphemism.’

‘It was.’ 

‘Then good.’