Catcher in the Rye 2 - 1.2

By Asa Montreaux 

‘Holden, it’s you and stories all the time. You have to come back to being in touch with reality. You don’t need this fiction. You need basic facts. You need reality.’

‘Yea, and you already mentioned that. Reality. But look, doc, what’s the importance of reality without stories. I think if you just think of the past, present, and future, and don’t make sense of them, then you have nothing that makes sense. Stories combine them for you. Then you can see how things happened. That’s what I do with my writing. Then I can see how things happened, and make sense of things. What event caused the next event. It gives me clarity.

‘Holden, the clarity comes from the basic facts of the situation. As I said, you needed reality. If you have the facts, you can understand the situation. Holden, schizoids lack proper understanding of what they perceive. They often understand things differently than how they actually are. You need to stay with it. Use reason and information, to guide you in understanding how to react in a more, erm, normal way.

And I have been working on being more normal. I really am trying to control my behaviours like a lot, a lot more. And maybe that will help me to interact more normally. I really am not weird, I don’t think. I hope not. And I really don’t mean to misinterpret what people say to me. I really don’t mean to offend people, if that’s what it is that is wrong. Sometimes people get so angry at me. And sometimes they act like I went and embarrassed them. Maybe I’m wrong to think all that, but it sure isn’t nice. Makes a guy uptight.’

‘How do you mean misinterpret what people say?’

I mean like they said one thing, and I thought they meant another thing. And usually it really is the case I thought they meant to say something that really was supposed to hurt me. Half the time, even now, I am not sure if they hadn’t meant to really offend me. Like, I was really hurt. I really don’t know if those feelings were inside of me, or if they were things not quite happening inside but around me. Like my feelings were affecting everything I was seeing and feeling around me. Like, I don’t know. Maybe you’d know what I’m talking about. Like everything mattered intensely. 

‘No, Holden, I don’t know what you mean. I think you were not making sense. Perhaps try again. Or allow me. Your emotions were spiralling. Holden, you need to stay rational.’

‘Yea, so you always say. I am always trying that. Pretty sure I am being rational. But you don’t believe me. I really even try. I really even am rational.’

‘Well, Holden, that is hardly true. That is the opposite of what I told you.’

‘Yea, agree to disagree then. I’m not sure you're always making sense, doc.’

‘Of course I am, Holden. What a ridiculous accusation.’

“Of course you aren’t. No one is making sense one hundred percent of the time. That’s crazy. Like doc, you’re crazy. That’s not right. And I can tell you why. We don’t know the truth about anything. Or like everything that there is out there. I suppose two is two, and a fork is a fork. But is there a God? We don’t know right. I got you there, doc.’

‘But, Holden, God is real. That is entirely true.’

‘But, doc, I thought you were a man of reason? Surely you would know there is no reason to think God is real. How does that hold up with your beliefs?’

‘God is perfectly rational. He exists. Everything else that I know to be true, is obviously true. There is no reason to doubt God’s existence at all.’

‘But surely you don’t believe all that stuff. The Universe probably just started on its own. Like atoms and stuff. They just started expanding. And quite a lot of that stuff isn’t true. Having sex isn’t going to send you to hell. God was maybe even a racist and he really didn’t even treat women fairly. Hey, why is it women are responsible for ruining the world. That wasn’t what was fair. Women are just the same as us.’

‘No they are not, Holden. They are inferior.’

‘Well what about the rest of what I said?’

‘About what?’

‘About God and atoms and things.’

‘There’s hardly any evidence for any of that. And the story of creation is correct, anyways.’

‘But it really isn’t and scientist already proved this. That isn’t anything that happened at all. Come on, like, God invented the world in a day and stuff. Like yea right.’

‘It is not ridiculous and do watch yourself for speaking that way, Holden. Everyone has every right believe what is true, which is the story of creation’

‘Oh, okay. Then agree to disagree then. I was just saying this all kind of lame. You need more concepts and stuff to describe the things you want to describe, to describe your feeling and stuff.’

‘It is not agree to disagree. What I side is quite fact, Holden. God invented the world, and believing otherwise is incorrect. Holden, are you not in touch with reality?’

‘Yea, I’ll give em’ a call next week. No, I am. Hey listen, doc. Maybe you aren’t.’

‘Of course I am.’

‘Yea. Well this conversations getting lame. Can we end it there.’

‘Yes in fact our time is up.’

‘Well, okay.’ I got up and sped out of there.

‘Holden, what’s wrong, he asked.

‘Well it a lot ended an hour ago.’

*